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Two days after the meeting in Ryan Clark’s back yard, the Iraqi army invaded Kuwait. At first, it seemed like a routine middle-eastern dustup, mostly incomprehensible and far away, like Vietnam had once been. But, as the days passed, it became clear that there was going to be some American involvement, and another war seemed likely.
Toward the end of the month, the expedition members held another meeting – they’d been meeting once a week, now. Some of those fast-getaway bags they’d maintained for years didn’t seem quite as complete as they once had, now that there had been a real date set. There was a lot of new gear purchased, some of it items they hadn’t previously considered, like walkie-talkies and metal detectors and plenty of spare batteries. Another new item that was added was a Global Positioning System receiver, bought out of Mark’s pocket, mostly because he liked gadgets and thought it might be useful. Mark had continued to update his detailed steel-pen drawn master map of the area – he’d spent the winter of 87-88 drawing it, integrating the old topos and the information from the mysterious aerial photos. There were a couple new additions from information Steve had brought back, so once the changes were made, he had Mike make a negative from the master, and had a couple hundred copies of the map run off on premium paper on the same press used to print the Record-Herald.
Now, the possibility of a new war threatened to change things again. “I for one don’t think we ought to be in Vietnam if Americans get started shooting in the Middle East,” Steve said flatly. “At a minimum, it’s going to make getting around in the field more difficult. At a maximum, well, it could get ugly.”
“That’s exactly how I read it,” Gil agreed. “You’re saying you think we should cancel and reschedule?”
“If we reschedule, we’ll have to put it off another year,” Mark replied. “The holiday dates seem to be the best for everyone. That would mean we’d have to get new visas, and who knows how long that would take?
“I don’t want to reschedule if we can help it,” Steve added, “If for no more reason than it might screw up our arrangement with Nhu Lap. If we put it off another year, that’d mean we’d be going without him. We wouldn’t be quite as blind as last month, but a war could change the situation considerably.”
“About all we can do is wait and see,” Harold said. “Remember, the UN is involved, so there’ll be a lot of posturing and diplomacy and things could drag on for months and drift off without a whimper.”
“I don’t think so,” Ryan submitted. “I think Big George is going to drop the hammer on them as soon as he’s ready. But he won’t do it before he’s ready to stomp the Iraqis flat. If the Iraqis were going to do something, they’d have done it by now. It’ll only get tougher each day they wait.”
“All the old antiwar freaks are coming out of the woodwork on this,” Bud commented.
“Yeah, they could cause things to back down,” Harold nodded.
“I don’t know,” Gil said. “If there’s anything that people ought to have learned from Vietnam, it’s when the shooting starts, the bullshit has to stop. The antiwar freaks are making a lot of noise, but they aren’t making much of a dent, this time. But, that’s neither here nor there. The question is, do we cancel and reschedule, or do we continue as planned?”
“We can wait and see,” Harold suggested again. “We can cancel right up to the time we leave for the airport. It would make a reschedule hard, since we’d have to get visas again. The only question I have is, if this gets tighter, or shooting starts, what happens to the Lufthansa flight to Bangkok?”
“Might make it a little more interesting,” Mark smiled. “It is Lufthansa, after all, and the Germans aren’t particularly involved. I’ll take a look at the schedules, and see if I can book an alternate route across the Pacific. It’ll probably cost a few hundred more, and I hate to lose the round-the-world route, but maybe it’ll stand. We can cancel up till we get short, and it won’t cost us anything.”
“Might as well leave it at that, for right now,” Gil said. “We’ll just have to keep watching the situation and play it like it comes. Steve, anything more from Binky?”
Binky wasn’t at the meeting, and hadn’t been at an expedition meeting since the one at the end of July. “I haven’t pushed her about it,” he said. “And, I won’t push her about it. God knows, we need her, but she, well, she has her reasons, and I don’t blame her a bit for them.”
“We need Binky,” Gil said. “We need her bad. But, you’re right. Most of us went through a lot, but she went through a hell of a lot worse. I think we need to let her know we still think we need her, and we’d really like her to come, but it’s her decision and we won’t guilt-trip her about it.”
“I appreciate that,” Steve said. “It’s putting me on a spot, too. If she won’t come, we’re just going to have to get by on locals, and do the best we can. Maybe, just maybe, Nhu Lap’s brother-in-law’s cousin could back up one interpreter while I back up another, and we switch back and forth. But, that could drag things down a lot.”
“Did you write Nhu Lap about the plane schedule, and the interpreter?”
“Yeah, but I haven’t heard back yet. I told him that if his, oh, hell, relative thinks his English is pretty good, that’ll be fine, but if it’s not real good, to look for an interpreter. We can judge when we get there, and maybe pick up another one on the fly if we need to.”
“Well, that may be the best we can do, but tell Binky we need her.”
Binky was sitting in her office in Northwoods Realty when Mike walked in. It was a slow day, and she wasn’t busy. “Looking for another house already?” she asked cheerfully.
“No,” Mike said uncomfortably. “I came to ask a favor. I won’t blame you if you turn me down, and I really hate to have to ask you, but I feel I need to ask you directly.”
“Go to Vietnam?”
“Yeah.”
“Mike . . .”
“I know you had a tough time getting out of there, and damn near died in the process,” Mike cut her off. “It’s not any big secret. I know more than you might think, but if I’ve learned one thing in my business, there’s a big difference between what you know and what you can print. So, I haven’t said anything.”
“Is this about Kirsten? You and her getting married?”
“It’s not really about Kirsten,” Mike admitted. “Not about our getting married. I gave up on that a long time ago, back before you met Steve. Oh, it would be nice, but I can do without if I need to. I’ve done it all these years. It’s not about the guys, either. Well, maybe it is, in a way. It’s clear that this is the last time, and there won’t be another expedition if they fail, and the failure will eat at them for the rest of their lives. I don’t know how to say this, Binky, but it’s about you.”
“Me?”
“You, and the fear you live with. Look, a long time ago, back before you and Steve got serious, Steve told Gil about taking you out in the boat that time, and Gil told me some time after that about how scared you were.”
“I was scared shitless,” Binky admitted. “Even after I told him, I don’t know how I managed to get in the boat with him. But, I was all right once I got back. For years, I’d had dreams about being back in that boat again, and I’d wake up screaming and crying at the same time, dreaming about my mother dying in my arms. But, after Steve took me out in the bass boat that first time, the dreams pretty much went away. That boat ride may have been the only way I could have convinced myself to marry Steve.”
“How’s that?” Mike said gently.
“Did Steve tell Gil, and he tell you, that I was raped after Saigon fell? Not once, but a lot?”
“No, at least not that I’ve heard,” Mike said. “I know it happened to others. I know more about boat people than you might think, and from the context of things you’ve said, well, I’ve never heard it in so many words, but I guess I’m not surprised.”
“I didn’t know if I could ever make myself go to Steve,” she said quietly. “I had nightmares about that, too, right up till we got married. I almost backed out of getting married, but finally I told Steve about it, and he said, ‘Remember the boat ride, Binky. We’ll make it work.’”
“Steve is a hell of a nice guy,” Mike said quietly. “You got real lucky with him.”
“I know it,” she replied, then searched for words. She gulped a couple times, and finally managed to say, “Mike, I’ve never told anybody this, and don’t you tell anybody, but that night after we got married I was so scared . . . well, I don’t think I’d have killed myself, but it was bad, but Steve was, well, very helpful and understanding. And, you know, we did make it work.”
“The nightmares went away after that?” Mike smiled.
Binky just nodded.
“But you still have nightmares, right?”
“Not about that,” she said, a tear rolling down her cheek. “Not so often, any more, but I dream they come to take me back.”
Mike got to his feet. “Binky, I’m just going to say one more thing, and then I’ll drop it. Forever.”
“What?”
“Remember the boat ride.”
“Mike?” she said in a small voice.
“Yeah?”
“Why you? Why didn’t Steve put it to me like that?”
Mike shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “I didn’t know if he had or not. But, like we said, Steve is a hell of a nice guy. Maybe he thought he’d pushed you enough. Maybe he needed someone else to say it.”
“Is Kirsten going to go?” she asked quietly.
“She has her own set of fears to confront,” Mike said sadly. “But they probably can’t be solved in Vietnam. She’s afraid of what will happen if we find Henry’s body. I think she could handle a coffin, but not what we’re going to find if we find him, and have to dig him up. I’ve always known Kirsten gets, well, unstable, if we get too close to that reality. In one sense, she wants to know, and in another, she doesn’t. It’s a different problem, Binky, and if I thought being there would solve it, she’d be there if I had to have her in handcuffs. But, I think it’s best if she keeps a little distant from it. If we find him, then she’ll have to confront her fears then. If we don’t . . . well, she’s just going to have to live with them. Forever.”
She sat for a while, looking at him, looking at her desk, and more tears followed. Finally, in a small voice, she whispered. “All right. I’ll go.”