The first thing Dave noticed as he was coming to consciousness was the smell of fresh coffee. That was strange; Julie didn't like the smell of coffee for some reason, so he usually got some on the way to work . . . he opened his eyes, and saw a very tall blonde in the kitchen.

All of a sudden things snapped into place. Yesterday. The tower going down. Julie. The boys . . . and then, Shae and Eve. "Shae?" he said wonderingly, the question hanging in the air.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," she smiled. "The boys are still asleep, but I just looked in on them, and I don't think they're going to be much longer. Eve went down to K-Mart to see if she can get some fresh underwear and stuff for you. She's got a better idea of men's sizes than I do, so she can make a better-educated guess. How do you like your coffee?"

"Black," he said, still coming to grips with the strange situation -- and the sorrow of losing Julie, the knowledge he'd never see her again. "I'm surprised I got any sleep at all," he commented. "I didn't think I could ever sleep again, and I was scared to. What did Eve do, hypnotize me?"

"Maybe a little," Shae grinned. "She knows how to do it. But your Bloody Mary last night had enough Ambien in it to stun a horse. All she did was help you surrender to it. You needed sleep, Dave. Now go use the bathroom before your boys wake up, and then I'll make you some breakfast. If you want a shower, I can loan you a robe. It'll be big on you, but you could wear it."

"I think the shower, Shae," he nodded. "But let me have a taste of coffee, first."

"Coming right up," she smiled as he got to his feet. It was still dark in the living room from drapes being drawn, but through the cracks and weave he could see it was a bright day outside. He walked over to the crack in the drapes and opened it enough to get a good look. Though he could see that while the apartment was well back from the shore, there was a good view of the ocean. Off in the middle distance there was a low, green shoreline; a little to the left, open ocean. Not a bad view; in its way, better than his own apartment, which faced where the World Trade Center had stood until yesterday. At least he wouldn't have to look at the blank spot in the skyline from this window . . .

"Nice view," he told Shae as she walked up to him with a mug of coffee. Something seemed strange about her, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"I like it," she said as she handed him the coffee. "When I first moved up here from Durham, I got a place in New Rochelle, but that was really stupid. It was a long haul into the WSN offices, and an even longer haul to go down and see Eve in Philly, and worse, it wasn't close to any of the airports. As much as I was traveling, that was really a pain in the butt. So then, when I got more seriously involved in the show, I found this place. It's an hour closer to Eve and John, I don't even drive when I have to go to the network offices, and it's an easy shot across the Narrows Bridge to the studio. To top it off, I'm not even paying as much rent. When Raylene got married, I just didn't go looking for another roomie."

"I take it to mean you're not married," he said.

"Never been," she smiled. "I got close once, but then I realized how much Larry was sleeping around and decided it wasn't worth it. I'm not at all anxious to get AIDS, and he apparently is. I'll go find you a robe."

A few minutes later he was in the shower. It felt good to clean off all the dust and dirt that had settled on him from the clouds after the towers went down; he hadn't realized how dirty he was. It felt strange to be able to stick his head under the shower head without having to bend down -- clearly, it had been modified for Shae's height.

A lot had obviously happened to her since he'd last seen her at the open house her family threw for her and Denis Riley right after the graduation ceremonies. Back in those days, she'd seemed like a freak, a big, gawky jock -- a magician on the basketball court, a real joy to watch, tough to get past. Dave had been more or less roped into getting onto the basketball team, although he was no great shakes at it, but sometimes when they were going to be going up against a team with someone real tall they'd ask her to scrimmage with the boys, just to practice against a big defender. She had an awesome defense, great moves, and had been the best girl rebounder in the state in their class. After going a few rounds against her, shorter guys seemed easy by comparison. It was no wonder that she and Cindy Dohrman had led the girls' team to the state finals three years running, winning the state championship two of them.

God, that was a long time ago, he thought. He'd actually sort of dated her a few times. Since he was the tallest guy in the school, people somehow thought they ought to try to set them up with each other -- but they just didn't click. They were friends, but no more than that. She was focused on her athletics, and he didn't care much for it; he'd rather have been wrapped up in one of his sci-fi books. But a few times they'd been together with a group after a game, and he even remembered kissing her goodnight a couple of times.

As the water pounded on his body, his mind rolled back, and he remembered that in their senior year, something strange had happened. No, on thinking about it, it was late in their junior year. Shae, the biggest kid in the school, got to going with Denis Riley, who was just about the smallest. Denis was a little jerk, a real wuss, and everyone figured he was gay, so he caught hell from a lot of kids and some teachers, too.

It was real strange for a big popular jock like her to be going with him, but everyone figured there'd been more to it than that. Denis' dad was the manager of the General Hardware Retailers regional distribution center at the edge of town, far and away the biggest business Bradford had; Shae's dad was distribution manager or something. Dave seemed to recall that everyone thought Denis' dad had leaned on Shae's dad to have her watch over him, to try to protect him from some of the teasing and cruelties he had endured. It more or less worked; although Shae was a girl, and considered by most to be a real freak, she was big, strong, and tough, so not too many people were going to push her very far.

God that was a long time ago, and how petty people had been! It wasn't just Bradford, either; Julie had seen the same sort of thing in Hartford, a school ten times as big. It made him wonder for an instant how things had turned out for Denis. Probably not real good, he figured; he'd seemed like such a loser.

Out of the shower, he used a lady's disposable razor to chop off the beard stubble, so he felt halfway normal. Not perfect, but it'd do the job, he thought. Maybe some guys can walk around looking like Yasser Arafat, but I'm not one of them. He came out of the bathroom, to notice the boys were up and the TV was on. Some kid's show, he thought, and then caught a closer look at the screen -- and realized he was looking at Shae herself! She was dressed in a green jerkin and shorts and hat that made him think of Peter Pan, and a yellow leotard almost the color of her hair.

Really curious, he walked over and sat down in a chair near the TV, to get a better look. Tyler and Cameron were watching the show with rapt attention. On the TV screen, Shae was telling a story to two little kids -- well maybe not that little, Tyler and Cameron's age, but they seemed little, mostly because Shae seemed so damn big! After a few seconds, he realized the story she was telling was a takeoff of The Ugly Duckling -- a gentle lesson in "It's OK to be different." He was impressed how Shae interacted with the kids -- one black and one white.

Looked at critically, the staging and production were mediocre, the acting was broad and unsubtle -- but you don't do things subtly with three and four and five year olds; it has to be kept pretty straightforward. From that viewpoint, it was well done; it held his interest, to see just how well done it was with its fairly simple approach -- but the show itself would be boring to him once he got past that. Nevertheless, the boys seemed to be enjoying it. Had Julie ever seen this? Maybe, probably not, he thought, wondering what she would have thought of it.

As he sat there drinking it in, he felt Shae sit down on the arm of the chair next to him and pass him his coffee mug. The story wound down on the screen, and Shaella talked with the two kids for a minute, asking them about the story, what it really meant. The kids came up with some pretty decent answers, although Shaella made the questions pretty leading. He wondered if they were off the top of the kids' heads, or scripted. Whatever it was, it felt natural. Finally, an off-stage voice called for the kids, and Shaella told them their moms were calling so they'd better go home. They very sweetly said goodbye, and she waved at them as they took off. "You see," she said directly to the camera, "You're never sure how things are going to turn out in the end. Come back to Avalon and see me again." The credits began to roll, to a voice-over of children singing, and then the TV went silent and "MUTE" came up on the screen.

Shae, the real one this time, went over and sat down on the sofa next to the boys. "I just want to talk to you for a couple minutes during the commercials," she said gently, in the same voice and manner she used on the screen. "Tyler and Cameron," she said. "Does it look like we're sitting in Avalon to you? This isn't Avalon, is it?"

Both the boys shook their heads; Cameron softly said, "No, it isn't."

"You're right, it isn't Avalon," she said. "You know when you watch TV, some things are real, some things aren't, and some things are in between, don't you?" Both the boys nodded, and she went on. "What's on TV usually isn't very real. Now, who am I?

"Shaella," Tyler ventured. "Shaella Sunrise."

"When I'm in Avalon, and wearing green and yellow, I'm Shaella Sunrise," she explained. "But we're not in Avalon, are we?"

"No," the boys shook their heads.

"We're in my home now," she smiled. "My name really is Shae, I'm gentle, and yes, some people would consider me a giantess. I'm still pretty much the same person you see on TV, but a lot of what I do on TV is make-believe. Do you like make-believe? It's fun to think about being in Avalon but Avalon is really just make-believe. Make-believe is fun, but sometimes it's not good to mix it up with real things. Try to not mix up what you see of me here with what you see on TV, OK? Sometimes it's hard to tell which is which. If you have questions, ask, and I'll try to answer them. Is that OK?"

Both the boys smiled and nodded their heads. "Now boys, if you want to watch a little more TV, that's fine, or if you want to have some cereal, that's fine, too. But when Mrs. McClellan gets back, you're going to have to break from the TV to take a bath and change clothes. But today, I expect you'll get to watch a lot of TV, and I'll play with you or tell you some stories, just like I do for the kids on TV. Now, do you want to eat, or watch more TV?"

"TV," Cameron said.

"OK, fine," she smiled. "But just this channel. Don't change it, OK? Your dad and I are going to have some breakfast, so we'll be out in the kitchen." She turned the sound back on as another show came up.

"Thank you, Shae," Tyler responded politely as he turned his attention to the TV.

Shae gave Dave a little 'follow me' hand signal, and he got up to follow her to the kitchen. Once they got out there, she smiled and said, "I really don't like to let the TV baby-sit children, which might be a strange thing for someone in my position to say. But I think a little bit now and then is OK. At least CTN is keeping up the regular program schedule. Everything else, even WSN, is on what happened yesterday."

"Not surprising, I guess," he shrugged in a dull tone.

"Yeah, I guess," she nodded. "They'll have to come to grips with the reality of what happened, so a little of it on TV will be good. But nothing but disaster coverage can get pretty heavy. Anyway, I held off on breakfast; I didn't know if maybe you'd like to have something real, instead of coffee and cereal. I can do eggs, toast, and sausage, if you like."

"It sounds good," he nodded. "Shae, I'm really impressed at how good you are with kids. Not just on TV, but in real life."

"Surprises me a little," she grinned, taking a frying pan from a series of hooks along the kitchen wall. "It's not something I expected to be a few years ago. Like I said on the show, 'You're never sure how things are going to turn out in the end.' I sure never expected to be doing children's television when I moved to New York."

"How'd it happen?" he asked as he sat down on a bar stool beside a counter.

"Long story," she sighed as she started cracking eggs into the frying pan. "After Eve and I left Ball State, I did local sports TV in Columbia, then Durham. That was fun; I got to do coverage of the Lady Blue Devils when they went to the NCAA Finals. It was exciting for them; the closest I ever got was the Sweet Sixteen. Then I got a chance to come up here and do WNBA coverage for WSN, the cable sports network, you know?"

"I've looked at it on occasion." he nodded.

"WSN is a sister network to WNN, and so is CTN," she explained as she continued to busy herself with making breakfast. "We're all in the same building; it allows some functions to be shared. Anyway, not long after I got here, I was in an elevator, and one of the guys from CTN, well, what he really wanted to do was put some moves on me. But he kind of dangled the idea of me doing a few segments of a kids' show, Charley's House. I could see what he was doing, but I figured the extra bucks would be nice. So, the next thing I know, I'm being written into the show. It was all done so quickly and was supposed to be so temporary that they didn't even bother coming up with a stage name for me. I was just Shae then, one of Charley's new neighbors. When they first came up with the show, they decided to have the adults all pretty small people, so there wasn't so much contrast with the kids. The biggest person in the cast was about Eve's height, so I came across as huge. Well, to my surprise, everything went pretty well, and I really had fun with it. Shae as a new character tested out pretty well, and this guy was still working on me some, so one thing led to another. I became a semi-regular, and we changed my name a little. It was only about one week a month, maybe not even that. I was still doing more floor coverage of basketball games."

"I seem to remember you had dreams of getting into the WNBA. Did it ever happen?" he asked.

"It sorta did and sorta didn't," she shrugged. "It was a special deal. It was toward the end of the season five years ago. The Flames were going nowhere when their power center, Liz Ashbury, got laid up for the rest of the season. They had a replacement, Merjune Kathoey, who could fill in, but someone upstairs got the bright idea of getting me signed for a few games so the floor reporter could report as a team member, sort of a publicity stunt. It didn't work too well. I did get a few minutes game time in when our butts were already blown so far away there wasn't a chance of doing anything, but by then I was years out of practice, and I didn't do very well." She sighed. "But at least I can say I made it to the WNBA, which was my goal for years. Big deal. It got me to thinking I'd better be doing something besides basketball coverage. That was about the time Charley's House came along."

"So how'd you wind up with your own show?" he frowned, realizing there was something strange in this kitchen; like a taste of what he'd gotten in the living room earlier. But he couldn't put his finger on what it was.

"Spin-off," she smiled as she served up his breakfast. "Let's face it, CTN isn't a big-budget network, and Charley's House wasn't a big-budget show. But a couple of principals thought they had the producers on a downhill pull when it came time for contract renewal, and they found out they could get the plug pulled on them. When the dust settled, Charley's House had become Avalon, with some but not all of the same people, and I only cover basketball as an emergency fill-in anymore."

"Seems like a strange course for your life to take," he smiled as she set the plate down in front of him.

"Not one I would have expected," she smiled as she found a seat on another bar stool across the counter. "I had my doubts about it, but then one day I realized I got recognized on the street more for being Shaella Sunrise than I did for being Shae Kirkendahl, the WNBA reporter for WSN. And the kids, God bless 'em, are more fun." She let out a sigh. "Which makes me think: I don't mind kids calling me by my first name, since that's what happens on the show. I'm supposed to be sort of a giant kid there, not a real adult, just a kid who's bigger than the real adults. So, when kids see me on the streets, I don't mind if they call me Shae or Shaella Sunrise, and I don't mind if your boys do it. But if you want them to be more formal with me, we'd better get started on it before it gets to be a habit."

"Whatever you think, Shae," he nodded. "I don't know if they quite realize you're real, and not Shaella Sunrise." He shook his head. "But then, I'm not quite sure you're real, myself."

"Denial, huh?" she nodded. "I don't blame you. Eve plans on talking with you about it. I may be better at talking with kids, but she's better with adults."

He shook his head. "I just can't believe you and Eve have been so nice to me, after what happened yesterday. It's really hard to believe that this isn't all a dream."

"We're about as real as it gets, Dave," she smiled. "Hey, I know we hadn't seen you for a long time, but we're Bradford '88s; we used to be friends and still are, as far as I'm concerned. You want some more coffee?"

"Sure, if you don't mind," he nodded. He watched her walk across the kitchen again, and the vague, uneasy feeling that something wasn't right came over him again, although he couldn't pick out what it was.

At that moment, the front door opened, and Eve came in, carrying an armload of plastic shopping bags. "Oh, good, you're up," she smiled as soon as she saw him. "I should have enough here to hold you for today, anyway. I guessed a little big on the sizes."

"Thank you, Eve," he said, looking at her as she came into the kitchen. "You and Shae have been very kind to me." She swung a couple of the bags around and reached up to put them on the counter. Lord, she's tiny, he thought, to have to reach up to a kitchen counter like that. He glanced at Shae again. She towered over Eve, of course; he remembered Shae having to duck her head when she went through doors, back in school -- and all of a sudden it snapped into place. It wasn't that Eve was so tiny; it's because the kitchen counters are six or eight inches higher than normal! "Shae?" he asked. "How did you manage to come up with an apartment fitted for someone your size?"

"Oh, you noticed, huh?" she grinned.

"It took me a while," he said. "I remember you having to duck under door frames in school, but you clear them easily here."

"Standard doors are six-foot-eight, so I crack my head on them if I'm not wearing heels to bring the door frame down to eye level," she laughed. "In this place, they're like seven-foot-six. Back when Chris Rutledge was the center for the Nets, he had the place modified out of his own pocket. It's kind of been passed around among the Nets ever since. Larry tipped me off about it, back when I was going with him. If I ever leave, I'm supposed to give someone from the Nets first dibs on it. But I may stay here the rest of my life since it's so neat to have a place where everything is my size."

"Yes, but you make everyone else feel like midgets," Eve laughed.

"I need a break once in a while," Shae sighed. "I still can crack my head everywhere else I go. At least I don't have to at home. It's not always easy being a freak like me." She shook her head and added, "Eve, would you like some more coffee?"

"Half a cup, perhaps," she said. "Dave, how are you feeling today?"

"Better," he said. "Surreal, but I think better."

"I'm sorry I had to put you down the hard way last night," she smiled. "But I could see you really needed sleep and a new day. Dave, I'm going to be up front about it. We're adults, and there's no reason to beat around the bush. Over the next few days you're going to be facing severe post-traumatic stress disorder. I can't stay with you all the time, but Shae and I have agreed we're going to do our best to help you and your boys come to grips with reality. PTSD isn't my specialty, but everybody in my profession is taught how to handle the basics even before they get to graduate level. Dave, don't try to hold it in, cover it up, and tough it out. I learned a long time ago that bottling those kind of troubles up just leads to more trouble in the long run. Don't be ashamed to let your feelings show with us. This isn't Bradford High, and we don't have to put up with the fiction that boys don't cry."

"It's . . . not easy."

"I know it's not easy, Dave," she said gently. "But it'll be better if you do. Shae, why don't you go spend some time with the boys, so Dave and I can talk one on one?"

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