Steve held onto Ann, feeling the warmth of her body up next to his. She wasn’t cold and sweaty any more, neither in her body nor in her attitude. It was very much unlike the Ann he had come to know, cold and distant, most of the time unwilling to reveal very much of her feelings if she had any at all. He thought that it must have been a considerable relief to her to be able to reveal herself to him. He had surmised from the first day he knew her that there had to have been considerable pain in her background, but the truth was so much worse than he had suspected that it was nearly impossible to comprehend. It was clear to him now that an old woman in an iron lung had wrought an almost unbelievable miracle, and he couldn’t help but want to hear more about it.

“Uncle Homer said that Mrs. Cooper taught you a lot,” he observed quietly, hoping to draw Ann out a little more.

“Steve, I can’t tell you how much I owe to her,” she replied, noticeably more comfortable than she had been even a few minutes before. “She was a very frail old lady at the best of times, but she opened so many doors to me I still can’t believe it. Did Mr. Taylor tell you about the computer?”

“He said that there was a computer screen she could look at above her head, and she could run a mouse and keyboard from inside the iron lung.”

“Yes, she could. The thing of it was that she had never had the opportunity to use a computer before, so Mr. Taylor had to teach her how. Well, he taught both of us, but Mrs. Cooper was able to pick it up a little more easily since she had a better background to build on.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Steve, at the time I met Mrs. Cooper I couldn’t read.”

“Couldn’t read?”

“Couldn’t read, couldn’t do simple math, couldn’t do a lot of things. I couldn’t even remember my A-B-C’s. I’d learned them while I’d been in school, I guess, but it had been a long time since I’d been in school and I’d forgotten virtually all of it. Mrs. Cooper soon figured that out. She had Mr. Taylor download some simple reading books, the kind you’d use to teach a young child to read, a few words and lots of pictures. He had the computer set up with two monitors, one above Mrs. Cooper’s head so she could see it, and another one sitting on a table so I could see it. Mrs. Cooper took me through those books a word at a time, using the cursor to point at a word, and she taught me phonics along the way. It was strictly one-on-one, and it was intense.”

“Uncle Homer said you sucked it up like a sponge.”

“I did,” she replied. “Within weeks I was reading at a higher level than what they estimated my age to be. Honestly, I was like an open notebook and ready to be written in. Mrs. Cooper hadn’t taught anyone to read since before she came down with polio, but she sure hadn’t forgotten how to do it, and that goes for just about everything else she taught me. As we got further along, and we’re talking a couple years down the road, she got into places she didn’t understand very well, where things had changed since she’d been in school, and the best I can say is that we learned and taught each other. That’s especially true when it came to computers. Mr. Taylor had to help both of us at first and there were a few things I picked up more quickly than Mrs. Cooper did, but Steve, there was so much out there that it was unbelievable, and we learned it together. We’d get up in the evening and spend hours teaching each other, sometimes without a break until long after dawn, it was so much fun to have new things to learn.”

“You were basically nocturnal then?”

“I had been since the day I came into the house, and Mrs. Cooper soon fell into the same schedule,” she replied. “I was still a little scared of Mr. Taylor, and with him living a normal daylight schedule then, it limited the amount of time we had to be together. It was only later when I began to conquer my fears of being up in the daytime, and it was a long time before I could go out of the house in daylight. You’ve seen how I have to protect myself, even now. It wasn’t until I had to start interacting with things that only went on during the day that I began to learn to deal with it. I’m still not happy with having to be out in the sunlight, and you can guess why.”

“It doesn’t take a lot of guessing, especially considering how sensitive to light you are.”

“I’m sure I must miss a lot because of it, but I think I’ve mostly learned to compensate for it. That was something else I learned from Mrs. Cooper. She missed out on a lot from having to spend much of her life in an iron lung, but she learned how to make up for what she missed.”

“Uncle Homer said that you had to do a lot to help out Mrs. Cooper.”

“Oh, yes, I did. She had her limitations, Steve, and she sometimes needed help with the simplest things. At first she was in the iron lung almost continually for days at a time. She had a tube she could suck drinks from, but she had to be hand-fed when she was in the iron lung, and right from the beginning I was the only one who could do it since we were awake at night when Mr. Taylor was sleeping. When she needed to go to the bathroom, I was the only one who could help with that, too, at least much of the time, by helping her with her bedpan.”

“Out of curiosity, how could you do that if she was in the iron lung?”

“There were ports on the side, doors that could open so I could reach in,” she explained. “I had to be very quick about it, since when a port was open the machine wasn’t helping her breathe, and she could only breathe poorly on her own when she was laying on her back. I didn’t mind doing it, since I was so grateful for the attention she was giving me. After she’d been here for a while she got a little stronger, and Mr. Taylor and I would get her out of the iron lung for a while. That allowed her to do simple things for herself, like go to the bathroom, change clothes, bathe, at least with my help. Most importantly, it gave her a little exercise, just to keep her loosened up. Being in the iron lung really was pretty restrictive although she could move around a little bit inside it.”

“I have to say it sounds like a pretty limited existence,” Steve commented, more than a little fascinated by the story.

“Oh, there’s no doubt it was, but at least in the years I knew her she made up for it by having an active mental life,” she explained. “I guess Mr. Taylor must have told you that her life had been pretty limited before she came here, since she didn’t have anything much to do mentally or physically, but of course, all that changed, and she was happy because of it. And, on top of that, helping me get over what had happened to me became her main interest in life.”

“I take it you grew out of having to hide in your closet?”

“Not all at once, Steve. It took time. I only slowly realized it was more comfortable to sleep in a bed than it was to be curled up in a ball in the bottom of my closet. Mrs. Cooper knew about it but didn’t prod me about it, since she had some inkling of how I was feeling. She much preferred to sleep in her iron lung, of course. In fact, she couldn’t sleep without it. Well, she could but she would have had to have been on a respirator that was considerably more uncomfortable, and she just never did it. But I still slept in the closet part of the time. Steve, do you know how I managed to quit that?”

“No idea. This is all new to me, Ann. Well, except for a little bit about Mrs. Cooper.”

“It must have been close to a year after she came here,” Ann related. She seemed comfortable with her head on Steve’s chest, her arms around him, and his around her. “Mrs. Cooper and her iron lung were, well, a fact of my life by then, but several times I’d mentioned to her that I couldn’t understand what it was like for her. By then she wasn’t in the iron lung all the time. Like I said, we got her out of it once, sometimes twice a day for a few minutes to a few hours. Well, she suggested that I try it out for a couple of hours to see what it was like.”

“And you did?”

“I was a little scared to, Steve. I mean, even though I knew by then how comfortable she was in it, it’s a little scary, but this was Mrs. Cooper, after all, so I decided I might as well give it a try. The next time we had her out of it, she and Mr. Taylor put me into it. I mean, it wasn’t a big deal, we had her in and out of it all the time. It just took a little minor adjustment of the neck ring.”

“So what was it like?”

“Different, Steve. In a way it was relaxing. You and I don’t have to think about our breathing very much if we do at all. When Mrs. Cooper was out of the iron lung she had to think about it all the time. The pressure differential when the machine inhales and exhales for her isn’t large. I could breathe against the machine, but if I let myself go I could just let it do the work for me and I soon learned not to fight it, so I could see very quickly why Mrs. Cooper much preferred to be in it, at least for that reason.

“But it’s very confining, Steve. In spite of the fact that it was fairly large inside, there’s no getting away from that. It got uncomfortable for me very quickly to just be laying on my back and not being able to move my upper torso much because my neck was held firmly in place. To make it worse, or to drive the point home, Mrs. Cooper shut off the computer. In a couple hours I was bored out of my wits, especially when she left me alone so she could go do some personal things like go to the bathroom and get something to eat. Mrs. Cooper even fed me a little while I was laying there, like I had to do for her so often, and that wasn’t very comfortable, either. I can’t imagine how she could have spent years like that with nothing much to do but lay there and let the machine breathe for her.”

“I certainly can’t contemplate it, but she must have gotten used to it.”

“Oh, she did. Given a choice she preferred to be in the iron lung so she could breathe comfortably. She was just about as happy to be back in it as I was to be out of it.” Ann yawned, and went on, “I never slept in a ball in the bottom of the closet again. I’m still not sure why, but the comparison to being in the iron lung must have had something to do with it. I realized I was lucky to be able to get up in the night to go to the bathroom, or to get a drink or whatever – well, it was something I ought to take advantage of since I had the freedom to do it. Now that I look back on it, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it did to me at the time.”

“So long as it worked, I guess. I take it Mrs. Cooper taught you quite a bit more than just schoolwork.”

“I can’t even contemplate the things she taught me in the six years she was here, Steve. There were so many things, big and little, things that Mr. Taylor never could have taught me. I think I told you that Mrs. Cooper was my first real friend. Oh, Mr. Taylor got to me first by a few days, but I was a long time getting as comfortable with him as I was with Mrs. Cooper. In fact, it never really happened until after Mrs. Cooper died.”

“As close to her as you were, that must have been devastating.”

“It was, Steve,” she said, moving a little bit so she could get her head a little closer to his. “It wasn’t as if we didn’t know it was coming. In spite of everything she was never in good health, and she got progressively more frail towards the end. For several years she could be out of the iron lung for hours at a time, but toward the end it became more and more uncomfortable for her. Toward the end she hardly ever left it. She was very weak, and we could tell she was sick. Of course, Mr. Taylor had a doctor visiting every few days and a home health nurse daily, but it wasn’t doing much good. One day, her heart just gave out. The polio had probably weakened it, so it was a miracle it had held out that long. I just cried and cried, Steve. It was the saddest day of my life when we had to bury her on the hill overlooking the pond.

“A day or two later Bob and Ray came and moved the iron lung up to the third floor, and the atrium seemed so empty without it there and without her in it. It still does. I often go out to her grave just to remember her, Steve. Sometimes I go upstairs just to look at her iron lung and remember her and how she changed my life. I’m so thankful that I knew her. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like without her.”

“Me, either,” he said softly. “I mean, when I contemplate what you must have been like when Uncle Homer rescued you, it seemed like she worked a miracle on you.”

“I’m sure she did. Steve, my memories of the days before Mr. Taylor found me are bad, but fortunately I don’t have many detailed memories of them. I guess my mind shut out a lot of the horror.”

“Ann, there’s so much you’ve told me in the last little while that I had never dreamed of,” he said, hugging her even tighter. “In a way, I’m sorry I asked you because I didn’t want to cause you to dredge up those memories, but in another way I’m glad you did, because I think I understand you a lot better than I ever did before. You often seem cold and distant, Ann, but now I think I understand why.”

“Steve, I don’t make friends easily. It’s . . . it’s one of the ways my past still hangs on me, and there are things that will probably always affect me. I fear getting close to people, so I don’t often let it happen. Really, it’s only happened with Mrs. Cooper, then Mr. Taylor, and now, you.”

“Is that part of the reason you came here tonight?”

“Yes, Steve. We’ve known each other for a while now. I remember Mrs. Cooper telling me that I would have to force myself to get close to someone, and Mr. Taylor said I would have to be the one to reach out since I tend to put people off. I’ve known since shortly after we met that there was a chance I could trust you in a way I’ve never been able to trust a man besides Mr. Taylor. I felt there could be no better time.”

“Then why were you so scared of me?”

“Because I was, Steve. I wanted to get closer to you, to really make you a friend. But with what it involves . . . how could I not be scared?”

There was no way to avoid saying it. “You mean how you were raped, don’t you, Ann?”

“Yes,” she cried. “Steve . . . I didn’t know if I . . . well . . .”

“If your past would come back to haunt you?”

By now her face was again buried on his chest, and he could feel her hot tears again. “Yes, Steve,” she managed to say. “I . . . I still don’t know if I can force myself to do it.”

“Ann, in spite of what we’ve talked about tonight, you’ve done a pretty good job of putting your past behind you, haven’t you?”

“I guess I have, in at least some ways. But Steve, it’s warped me. I know it has. Maybe it’s warped me too much, but I felt like I had to take the risk.”

Now what do I do? Steve wondered. On the one hand, he felt he needed to take her by the hand and lead her over the hurdle of her fears, but he knew that if he did it could backfire. On the other hand, she’d extended herself so far already that if ever there was going to be the chance, this could be it. Maybe he didn’t have to make a decision right at the moment, but he could tell that it wouldn’t be far away.

“Ann, it took a lot of courage for you to come here, didn’t it?”

“Yes, Steve. It was all I could do to force myself. Maybe it was a mistake, but I felt like I had to do it.”

“Then push your courage just a little further,” he told her. “Get up enough so you can get under the covers with me.”

“I’ll . . . I’ll try, Steve. I . . . I don’t know . . . I don’t know if I can be good enough for you.”

“Let me worry about that,” he said, removing his arm from around her. “Ann, I’m not going to rape you. I’m not even going to promise to make love to you, at least not tonight. But whatever we do, I want it to be good for you. We won’t worry about how good you can be for me, at least tonight.”

“Steve, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that maybe we should just feel our way into what happens and see how it works. If I can get you comfortable with you just being with me and get you over your fears, then it will be more than good enough for me. If you can just relax enough go to sleep next to me, it’ll be something of a victory for you, won’t it?”

“Yes, it would,” she replied softly, taking her arms from around him and rolling sideways to stand up long enough to peel back the covers. He got a glimpse of her nearly naked form in the light of the moon as she sat back down and twisted to slide into bed next to him. “Steve,” she whispered, “I’ve read things, I’ve seen videos, but I’ve never dared to do anything like this before. I really don’t know what to do.”

“In spite of everything, I would be very surprised if much of it didn’t come naturally,” he told her confidently. “I’ll help you with it as much as I can. I’m not real experienced at this myself, but I think I know enough to help you with it.” And thanks to Teri for that, he thought. “Now just slide up next to me, put your arm around me, and kiss me.”

“Steve, I’ve never even kissed anyone.”

“Believe me, Ann, there will never be a better time to start.”

She brought her head close to his as he put his arm around her again. Her body felt warm and comfortable now; there was no hint of the fear-fueled shaking he’d felt in her off and on ever since she’d come into the room to join him. He could tell without asking that she’d mustered whatever it took to give this a fair try, and it was just as clear that this was a turning point in her life – if she failed, she might never find the courage to try again.

Then her lips found his, and they kissed lightly. After a moment she pulled back and whispered, “Like that?”

“Like that,” he said, “but put some feeling into it. Sort of like this.” He put his hand behind her to lightly massage the back of her neck, and to keep her from pulling back again.

This time it went on longer, and sure enough, she put a little more feeling into it. “That’s better,” he said. “You’re starting to get the idea. Do you like that?”

“Yes, Steve. Please do it again.”

It went on for a long time, but Steve wasn’t exactly keeping close track. At some point he nudged her to roll partly onto her back, so he could get his hand on the nearer of her breasts. Through the light gauze, it felt warm and soft and exciting at the same time. He slowly massaged it, just enjoying the touch while they continued to kiss. “Like that?” he asked after a while.

“I never knew it could feel like that. Steve, I’m . . . I’ve never felt like this before.”

“But does it feel good?”

“Oh, yes.”

Steve played her body in several ways as time passed; eventually the hem of her long white nightgown was up above her breasts, and twice in that time he’d felt her stiffen and give little jerks and a low moan. “Oh, Steve, that felt good,” she said the first time it happened.

“That’s how it’s supposed to feel,” he whispered in her ear.

“I never dreamed . . . thank you, Steve.”

And finally there could be no putting off what was to come. This was it, make or break. “Ann, you know what comes next, don’t you?”

“Yes, I . . . please?”

“Are you sure?”

“Please. Please don’t make me wait any longer.”

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