The last trip of the summer was a melancholy one for Nanci.

While nothing could be certain in this life, she was pretty sure the trip would be her last one, at least her last one as a regular Canyon Tours boatman. She expected, even hoped, that this time next year she would be pastor of some church somewhere, doing what she was called to do. While a part of her looked forward to that, even eagerly, there was a part of her that was sad to have to contemplate leaving behind the life she had led in the Grand Canyon for the past six years. It had been something special and she knew it, so it was going to be hard to let it go.

The last trip started on an unusual note, something they had never had to do before. The Coconino County prosecutor wanted all the members of the White Team to be in court that morning to testify against Abraham Bowman, and of course they had to do it. But it was also at the same time that they would have to be loading and rigging for the second Christian trip of the season.

Canyon Tours and Al were not going to let a little detail like that get in their way. While the White Team was sitting in the courthouse, Al made up a backup team that included himself, Karin, a couple of boatmen on days off from different companies, and Michelle MacRae, who he managed to lure out of her parents’ gift shop at the South Rim. The plan was to meet the customer bus, do the orientations, and get everything ready to go. If the court ran later than expected, they were prepared to start down the Canyon with the customers, with the idea of meeting the regular crew at Cathedral Wash, a few miles down the river. The regular team could hike in from the access road and the scratch team could hike out the same way. If necessary, Al and the others were prepared to go on to Badger Rapids, where they could also make the crew exchange.

As it turned out, court ran a little later than they hoped, so after consultation by cell phone while the trip was still at Lee’s Ferry, it was agreed to meet at Cathedral Wash, with the White Team driving up in the Canyon Tours van. It was the first opportunity to get on the river for the formerly river-crazy Michelle, who hadn’t been on a raft since she discovered she was pregnant a couple of years before, although she expected she would be able to do a half trip in the fall if it proved to be necessary.

In the event, it all went about like it had been planned, and the members of the White Team were sitting on the beach when the five rafts pulled in. There on the beach Al introduced the customers to their regular boatmen. Preach gave the normal Cathedral Wash orientation while the rest of the boatmen, regular and temporary, set up lunch.

While they were eating, Al got together with Preach, Nanci, Sarah, and Kevin. “Well, what happened?” he asked quietly.

“The short answer is six months, counting time served,” Preach replied. “Bowman wasn’t very happy about it. The prosecutor asked for a psych evaluation, and the judge ordered it. The judge also set up a personal protection order for him to stay away from Sarah, but whether it or the psych evaluation will mean anything is anyone’s guess.”

“Well, that’s something,” Al shook his head. “And when you get right down to it, it’s probably as much as could reasonably be expected. Sarah, I guess that means it’ll be safe for you to go back to Hickory Run this fall.”

“I think so,” she agreed, “although I’m not sure yet if I want to do it, since it might not be safe for me to be there in the spring term. That’s something I need to think about and pray about on this trip.”

“Well, if you can make it for the fall trips, you’d be welcome,” Al told her. “It would be a very different bunch of boatman, and Nanci won’t be among them. Kevin, you’re still good for the fall, right?”

“Right, unless my folks get a call asking me to go teach somewhere while we’re on this trip. I told them to say yes if it happens, but there’s no telling if it will. At least when I get off the river I can substitute teach and maybe be an official in a few games. I’ve gotten along like that for years, and since I’m still living with my folks I can do it for a few more if I have to.”

“I guess we’ll have to play that one like it happens,” Al shrugged. “I’ll call your folks and have them let me know if you get a call so I can make other plans if necessary.”

The trip itself went pretty well; this was the third year of doing the Christian trips, and a lot of the bugs had been worked out. Both Preach and Nanci had a good stock of stories and teachings, and they went nicely after all the practice. Even Nanci’s nearly traditional testimony at Havasu Creek went well, although she wasn’t quite as pointed as she had been on the earlier trip that summer. Just for the sake of saying something different, Nanci spent a part of her time talking about her hike down from the rim a year and a half before to pray and seek guidance about her vocation in the ministry, a subject she’d avoided on the earlier trip.

One thing had subtly changed since the first Christian trip of the year. In the last days of that trip, Nanci had noticed that Sarah and Kevin had been spending more and more time together. It seemed that they were getting to be better and better friends, and Nanci applauded it quietly; Sarah needed to have friends, and she needed to know how to get along with a male friend. Kevin was the perfect guy for her to learn a bit about that as far as Nanci was concerned.

Again it was subtle, and Preach must have been involved although there was never anything said, but most of the time Sarah rode with Kevin in his raft. She spent a lot of time rowing it, and was getting better. It wasn’t just on the flats, either; on this trip, a little to Nanci’s surprise, Kevin had her rowing some of the really tough ones like Hance, Crystal, and Lava. Her runs weren’t exactly perfect, but then none of the boatmen always had perfect runs there, either.

“You know,” Nanci said to Sarah one time as they were settling in for the night in a camp far down the river, “another year of this and you could be a boatman.”

“Don’t think I haven’t thought about it,” Sarah told her. “I suppose it’s something that could happen. Even assuming I make it through the next winter at Hickory Run, I’m still going to be stuck for something to do next summer, and you probably won’t be around. Another summer as a swamper is certainly on the list of possibilities.”

“It’s hard to believe,” Nanci said. “When I met you a year ago, I never thought I’d hear you say that.”

“I never thought I would say it either,” Sarah laughed. “Such a thing was so far beyond my comprehension as to be fantasy. But here I am, and I’m not sure I believe it myself. Nanci, back last spring you told me that a summer in the Grand Canyon would be the best thing that could ever happen to me, and you were dead right. I don’t think I’m the scared and shy little girl I was back in those days, not in the slightest, and it’s mostly your doing. I don’t think I’m all the way ready to face the world by myself, but I think I’m a lot closer to it than I was when I met you.”

“I was pretty sure it could work, depending on you, and I was pretty sure you would rise to the occasion.”

“I think I did. But I have to say that your example of giving your testimony at Havasu Creek back in June may have been the best thing that happened to me. It wasn’t so much for your example, but because it forced me to haul out and examine all the things that had been bothering me for years and years. That held me down for a long time, Nanci, and I don’t think you realize yet how much it held me down.”

“I’m glad it helped you. I always knew there was something holding you down, but I never realized it was anything like that until your testimony around the campfire that evening.”

“I may not have realized it myself, but now that Kevin and I have been talking it over from time to time I’m finally getting it behind me. I know I’ve got a lot of catching up to do, but I’m working on it.”

Nanci thought for a moment, then said, “I’m glad Kevin could help you with that. Sometimes it takes an outside observer to help you make sense of things. Kevin is a pretty nice guy, you know.”

“Yes, he is a very nice guy, and I have come to appreciate him more and more each day. Nanci, I need to ask you something. I’ve needed to ask you for weeks, but now that this trip is coming to a close the need is even more important.”

“What’s that?”

“You said one time that you and Kevin were just friends, and that you thought that was all you would ever be. Is that still correct?”

“Yeah, nothing has changed,” Nanci replied, realizing the implications of Sarah’s question. “I think we’ll be friends forever, but I’m also more sure than ever that we’ll never be more than that. Sarah, are you thinking about it?”

“Yes, I am,” she admitted. “We’ve been getting closer and closer every trip. Nanci, I’ve been thinking about it, and in one way I’ve come to realize that my father is right in that I need someone to watch over me, and I think that would be true even if I hadn’t been flawed by seeing that massacre when I was eleven. I can’t say that I’m sure yet, but I’m starting to wonder if Kevin might not be that person.”

“I can’t tell you,” Nanci sighed. “I wish I could. About the best I can tell you is that you could easily find someone far worse than he is.”

“That’s about what I expected you to say,” Sarah said. “Nanci, I don’t know what to do.”

“You mean, about moving on with Kevin?”

“Yes. I’m at a loss about what to do, whether I should work in that direction, or what.”

“Just off the top of my head, and knowing Kevin, you could do worse than to push ahead with him. I’ve seen him moving toward you, Sarah. I know he likes you, and I think he sees something in you that he apparently never saw in me. I have to say, Sarah, if what you’re saying and what I’m seeing is any indication, you’re further along than I’ve ever been, so in a way you’re on your own on that.”

“But you were with several guys.”

“Yes, but they were all very destructive relationships. I knew it at the time, but I could never see anything better to do. It finally took Allie killing herself to make me realize that I was well down the path to my own destruction, and as luck and the Lord had it, I managed to escape successfully. Then the Lord brought me here and showed me a better way.”

Nanci was silent for a moment before she went on. “Maybe the Lord doesn’t want me to have a guy. It wouldn’t surprise me. Ever since I left that hell of my life in Chicago, I’ve never had the slightest desire to get involved with a guy again, and that includes Kevin. All I can conclude is that when the time comes the Lord will make me ready for it, and that means that I guess I’m not there yet. Maybe he’s sending you a different message. If so, you’re going to have to be the one to ask him, not me.”

“I’ve asked, Nanci. Believe me, I’ve asked. But I’m not getting a clear-cut answer. All I know is that we’re going to be on the road back to Hickory Run before very much longer, and whatever happens it’s going to be hard to do much about Kevin from there.”

“You’re planning on going back to Hickory Run with me then?”

“I think so,” Sarah sighed. “I change my mind about every ten minutes. I keep thinking that if I stay here, I can move ahead with Kevin. On the other hand, if I go back to Hickory Run, well, my studies are paid for, and I might as well do them. I don’t know if I’ll ever make use of them, but if I do I might as well get them out of the way while my scholarship from the conference and the mission society is still good.”

“What does Kevin say about that?”

“He’s of two minds, too. He thinks that I might as well get what I can out of my schooling since it’s paid for. On the other hand, I think he would like to keep me around so we can push ahead. If he felt strongly about it one way or the other, I don’t think I’d disagree with him, but I think he wants me to make up my own mind. I am pretty sure that if I go back to Hickory Run, I’ll be coming back to Flagstaff when I’m done there. Whether that means I’ll be running the river again next summer, well, it’s too early to tell. The only other guidance I have is from Preach, and it’s not very helpful, either.”

“What’s that?”

“He says that if you’re not going to be on the river next summer, he could stand to have the extra help on the Christian trips, and that another year at Hickory Run could only add to my knowledge.”

“I have to give him that,” Nanci agreed. “But you know, there’s one other argument for going back to Hickory Run, and one more against it.”

“What’s the argument for going back?”

“Well, it’s about Kevin. If what the two of you have built is worth it, then he’ll be waiting for you to come back here.”

“Yes, you’re right about that, and I’ve thought of it before. If he isn’t waiting, then I guess God is telling me to look elsewhere, right?”

“That’s what I would say. Again, it’s something you’d have to ask God about, not me.”

“I’ve been thinking that, too. But what’s your argument against it?”

“Abraham Bowman.”

“Him again?” she could hear Sarah say with a little anger in her voice.

“Yes. You should be able to get through the semester at Hickory Run all right, since he’ll be in jail here until a little after the semester ends. But what do you want to bet that as soon as they turn him loose, he’ll be heading toward Hickory Run quick like a bunny? He won’t be at that Chinese language course he’s been taking, you know, not while he’s in jail. You might be better off not being at Hickory Run in the first place.”

“I’ll grant you that,” she sighed. “I don’t want to say I’m not afraid of him anymore, because I still am. But at the same time, one of the things you’ve taught me is to not let my fears get the better of me. That may actually be the best reason of all to go back to Hickory Run.”

“Well, you might have a point at that, but I still think he’s a nutcase. When someone is that crazy, they do crazy things, Sarah.”

“I realize that,” Sarah said softly. “You don’t have to tell me that. I learned it the hard way at that massacre in Rwanda. My life since then has been a gift, Nanci. I would never have survived if God hadn’t sent those Belgian paratroopers to rescue us. That tells me that God is saving me for something, and I don’t think the thing he’s saving me for is Abraham Bowman.”

Nanci shook her head. “That’s a pretty brave thing to say.”

“I know it is, but bravery is something else you taught me, and mostly on this river.”

For once, Nanci wasn’t a huge help at the loading at Diamond Creek. She tended to stay back out of the way, mostly looking with a sad face at the river flowing by; everyone else on the crew understood what was going through her mind, and weren’t willing to say anything to her about it. The river had been her home for the past six years, a crucible where her life had changed so much there were hardly ways to tell about it. She had plenty of memories of her summers there, mostly good memories, and admittedly a few that were less than good.

Now she was leaving it, and most likely leaving it for good. Most Grand Canyon boatmen are a little sad at having to get off the river at the end of their final trip of the year. It is hard for them to ride up Diamond Creek Wash, then spend the winters doing things their real lives demanded, or just trying to tide themselves over until the next launch up at Lee’s Ferry.

But this was different for Nanci. If things went the way she hoped they would, there would be no rigging at the launch at Lee’s Ferry for her next spring, no drifting down the river through the most awesome scenery on the face of the planet, no challenging herself in the big rapids. She knew it could well be that she might not even see the river again for a long time, and might not ever run a raft down it again.

She mostly just sat there on the bank, staring at the river, occasionally picking up a pebble and tossing it into the water, mostly lost in her own thoughts. Finally, Sarah came up to her and said gently, “Nanci, we’re all loaded up and waiting on you. It’s time to go.”

“Yeah, I suppose it is,” she sighed. “I guess I’d better not keep everybody waiting.”

Nanci slowly got to her feet, took a final glance at the river, then turned to find Sarah waiting for her with open arms. They shared a hug, then Nanci slowly followed her friend back up to the bus. Usually the crew rode wherever they could while the customers got the seats, but many people had an idea what was going through Nanci’s mind, and they had saved a seat for her. She sat down, twisted around, and took a final glance over her shoulder of the river the Spaniards had named for the color red thanks to its muddy waters.

Dan got the bus going, and she watched until it disappeared when the bus ran around the first bend. All of a sudden, it was a part of her past, rather than a part of her present.

All the way back to Flagstaff Nanci kept trying to put the past behind her, to look toward the future. Early the next morning, she and Sarah would be in the Camry again, heading toward Hickory Run and her future. Even with Sarah helping, it would be two days of driving at a minimum and they planned on stretching it into a third day just so they didn’t arrive back at the seminary totally exhausted. There would be a day to get organized and get back into the mindset of being divinity students, and then they would be back at the intensive grind once again, living at Mrs. Keller’s Place and spending a lot of time with the books. It really was what Nanci wanted to do, although at the moment she didn’t feel like doing it very much.

As usual, it was the middle of the afternoon when the bus pulled into the Canyon Tours office. There was the usual unloading and cleaning, and some gear maintenance, but a lot of the things they had were set aside, where Dan and Jeff would store them for the winter. As of this trip, Canyon Tours was breaking from the four summer crews back down into two; Preach, Angie, Brett, and presumably Kevin would be on another crew for the rest of the season.

Because of that, they were done a little sooner than normal, and now came something Nanci really hadn’t been looking forward to, but there was no escaping it. She’d been watching Brett on this trip, the last of the Christian trips for the season, and sure enough, two days before getting off the river he’d gone off somewhere with one of the women on the trip. “Well, I guess there’s no putting it off,” she said to the crew standing around, who included Crystal, Dan, Al, and her mother. “I suppose we’d better head over to the Burro.”

“I told you so,” her mother grinned.

“Yeah, I know,” Nanci sighed. “Can’t win ’em all, I guess.”

They piled into several cars and headed for the boatman’s bar downtown. It wasn’t terribly busy, but was dark and cool inside. They found seats around a large table in the back of the place, and while most of the crew ordered soft drinks, Nanci and Sarah each ordered a beer.

It had been several years since Nanci had a beer, and that had been an accident of sorts. Once she had liked beer, and the more the better, but those days were long in the past, too. In a couple minutes, the waitress brought their drinks, and set one in front of Nanci and another one in front of Sarah. Nanci stared at it for a moment, then picked it up, and took a big swallow. It didn’t taste very good, but she’d lost the bet and had to drink it.

Nanci set the beer down, working up the will to have another sip and nodded at Sarah, who picked up her beer, smelled it, wrinkled her nose, then took a gulp. “Eeewwww!” she said in an instant. “How can you drink this stuff?”

“Like everything else, it takes practice,” Al grinned.

“Well, at least I won that bet,” Nanci sighed. “That ought to be good for something.”

“Which bet was that?” Sarah asked, steeling herself to take another sip.

“The bet over what you’d say when you tasted it,” Nanci shook her head. “Brett, this is your fault, you know.”

“Nope,” the taciturn boatman smiled.

“What do you mean, ‘nope?’” Nanci frowned. “I saw you head out into the tammies with that woman when we were at Parashant Wash a couple of days ago. You’re telling me you didn’t do anything with her?”

“Nope.”

“You miserable . . . Brett, why didn’t you say something?”

“You didn’t ask,” he shrugged.

“You’re telling me that you knew about the bet and just wanted to sit there and watch Sarah and me have to try to drink a beer, right?”

“Yup.”

“You miserable close-mouthed potlicker,” Nanci shook her head as she got to her feet, grabbed her beer glass, and dumped it over Brett’s head. Sarah was right with her, dumping her beer on him too. “It’s too bad we didn’t get a pitcher, I would have dumped that on you, too.”

“Yup.”

Nanci sat back down. “I should have known,” she sighed. “My last act as a Canyon Tours boatman was to give another boatman a beer shower.”

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