In the first part of March the weather began to warm up a little, spring was clearly just around the corner, and the end of the season’s dogsledding was in sight. As a gesture of reconciliation after the Spearfish Lake dogsledders had cleaned up the trophies at the state championships, Mark invited the Camden bunch up to his farm for the March club races, since the snow would usually be getting soft and grubby down in the Camden area by then. That meant the dogs had to be kept halfway sharp, so about every other day Mark and Mike got out for a run with the teams after work.

At that, they might have had their hands full; Josh’s team had been about the best of the Camden teams, and he and Tiffany went out virtually every night after school and ran them. It was a little late in the season to be training that intensively, but the kids were enjoying it and the dogs were looking good.

Coming home from work, gobbling supper and heading out for an hour or two on the trail after work could get cold and tiring for Mark and Mike. But, there were compensations; often after such runs they’d go down to Mike’s and soak in his hot tub, and on one such night, Jackie and Kirsten joined them.

The hot tub was refreshing, and it was especially nice to get out after dark, throw back the covers, get in the water and look at the star-filled sky overhead as the steam from the warm water filled the night air. Though they were pretty well acclimatized to the cold winter weather by now, there was still a snap and a chill to be standing out in it in bare skin, and the hot water of the tub felt good.

“You know,” Mike said as he dunked himself to where only part of his head was sticking out of the water, “The only part about this I’m not crazy about is getting out and racing back inside to where it’s warm. It gets to be awful cold for a few feet there.”

“It could be worse,” Mark smiled, “Couldn’t it, Kirsten? We’ve been there.”

“God, yes,” Kirsten said wistfully, her mind back a long time ago, to a night she and Mark had shared along with others, years before Mike came on the scene. “That was a long time ago. When Henry picked me up and jumped into the water with me in his arms, well, wow, that first time was something. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed as loud in my life.”

“I’d done it before,” Mark replied, remembering the evening well. “You just about have to do it on a dead run, because if you stop and think about it you might change your mind.”

“The part that still amazes me is we went back up to the sauna, cooked some more, and then went out and jumped in the river again,” Kirsten said. “I don’t know how I ever did that. But then, I guess I got sort of used to it, because we did it for years, up till Henry left.” She looked up at the stars overhead, and the steam coming off the surface of the hot water. “I sometimes wonder if you guys will ever find him, or even get the chance to go look for him.”

“I don’t know,” Mark replied, shaking his head. “Maybe we’ll get the chance. Things look like they’re easing up a little, maybe. Did you see that story on the news a couple nights ago?”

“No,” Kirsten said with a question in her voice, “What story?”

“I didn’t see it either,” Mark said. “It must have been while Mike and I were out with the teams, but some of the guys saw it, and we talked about it at the expedition meeting last night. Some couple from California had been allowed in to look for their son. They didn’t find anything, but they got in.”

“How come they got in and you guys didn’t?” Jackie asked.

“That’s what we’d like to know,” Mark replied. “We threw around half a dozen different ideas about it, but what it comes down to is the government there throws the dice. The only theory that makes any sense is it was their son, not a bunch of friends, but that doesn’t answer everything. But, after we talked it around for a while, we’re thinking about trying another angle.”

“Yeah?” Mike wondered.

“We’re thinking about having Heikki and Heidi make the request to go and look for him, and list some friends they’d like to take along to help them look. Us, that is.”

“Might work,” Mike said. “Might not. You don’t lose anything by trying.”

“I doubt Heidi would go,” Kirsten said with a shake of her head. “She hasn’t been in real good shape, recently.”

“We know,” Mark told her. “That might even be an angle, telling the Viets she wants to know what happened to her son before she dies. Gil was going to go out and talk to them today about it, but I don’t know if he did, or what happened. But, if we got the visas, she wouldn’t necessarily have to go. Heikki, maybe; I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d go, just to help us.”

“It’d be hard for him,” Kirsten replied. “He did better than the rest of us when Henry disappeared, but it hurt him a lot, too.”

“There’s another angle we talked about,” Mark said gently. “You’re still his fiancée, at least technically, right? Maybe we could have you try the same trick.”

Kirsten shook her head, and was a long time replying. “I don’t think I could manage to go,” she finally said in a small voice. “Mark, I went through an awful lot of black years there. I’ve managed to bury a lot of the memories of the bad years, but I remember they happened, and I remember the pain, and I don’t think I could face it again.”

“It’s your decision,” Mark said. “Everyone knows it wasn’t easy for you.”

“God knows what would have happened to me if Mike hadn’t come along and was willing to put up with me,” Kirsten replied. “I still miss Henry, and I miss him a lot, but with Mike’s help I’ve managed to move on. Don’t get me wrong. I’d like to know what happened to him. Not knowing has always been hard for me, and for Mike, too. But, I don’t want to run the risk of more bad years in the process.”

“It’s like Heidi,” Mark shrugged. “You wouldn’t have to go, physically. But, who knows? It might help get permission.”

“I’ll help if I can,” Kirsten said in a more conversational voice, “You know, I’ve often wondered what has kept you guys all set to do this for so long. It’s been, what, eight years you’ve been planning this, with no chance of going ever coming in sight. I mean, I have no choice; I have to live with what happened. You guys, well, some of you were friends, but say, Gil, he doesn’t think he ever met Henry.”

“Gil has his reasons,” Mark said. “I wouldn’t want to speculate on what they are. I know he promised you and Heikki a long time ago he’d go and look for Henry if the chance ever came, and Gil is good about keeping his promises. But there’s more to it than that, something that bothers him about the whole deal, and whatever it is, it’s his reasons and none of my business. Speaking for myself though, I’ve got a number of reasons.”

“Like what?” Mike asked.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Mark said. “Part of it is the sheer intellectual challenge. I mean, we know a lot of pieces of the puzzle, but we haven’t been able to put them together. Maybe we never will. But it’s there to work on. We’ve put a lot of time and effort into it over the years, and you get to the point where you just don’t want to quit without taking a try at putting them together.”

“Inertia,” Mike said. “You’ve gone this far, why quit now?”

“Right,” Mark said. “But tied in with that is a sense of, well, brotherhood, I guess. Gil used to say back in the days when Vietnam veterans were treated like the scum of the earth for doing their duty, ‘No one else is going to look out for us, so we’re going to have to look out for each other.’ Henry was one of us, and I guess we feel we have to look out for him if we can, even now. Especially, now.”

The waters of the tub were getting a little uncomfortably warm to Mark; he reached back, and used his arms to get himself up onto the sides of the tub, where he sat with his feet in the water, steam rolling off of his bare skin. “The most important part, I think,” he continued, “Is I knew Henry. Not as well as you did, of course, Kirsten, but I knew him. I mean, I went to Vietnam, I had my experiences, and I came back. So did Ryan and Steve and the rest of the guys. How come Henry didn’t? Why him, and not me? I mean, I know part of the answer. I was in a good outfit, well trained, and it still got a little hairy once or twice” – it was as much as Jackie or any of the rest of them had ever heard about Mark’s experiences there – “And Henry was in a screwed up outfit with a bunch of losers and dopers. But, again, why him and not me?”

“Survivor’s guilt,” Mike said understandingly. “I’ve had a touch of it from time to time myself. Let’s face it, if I’d been only a couple months older, it could have been me out there. As luck had it, I’ve had a pretty good life, at least partly because of his bad luck. Don’t think it doesn’t bother me. Sometimes, I almost think I’ve got Henry’s ghost sitting on my shoulders, watching out for Kirsten. Mostly, I’ve gotten used to it.”

“I can see how it could bother you,” Jackie said. “His bad luck was your good luck.”

“Damn straight,” Mike said. “Without his bad luck, I’d have never had Kirsten, never had the neat kids we have. I’ve often thought that my life breaks down into two halves, the part before I walked into the Record-Herald for the first time, and the part after. I met Kirsten there, that very first day. Virtually all of the friends I have now are directly or indirectly a result of that. I’ve often wondered what would have happened if I’d looked out of the window of my old Chevy, said, ‘God, what a dump,’ and drove back to Overland Park without getting out. Everything would have been different. Everything. And, I suspect, not as good.”

“It would have been different for me, too,” Kirsten agreed. “And, I suspect, not as good, either. It wasn’t until I met Mike that I really started getting my life back together. It took a long time, and he was incredibly patient with me. As far as that goes, I’ve often wondered how my life would have come out if Henry had come back. There’s no way of telling, of course, and there’s a lot of things that could have happened, but maybe not as good, either. I was a long, long time realizing that. I missed Henry a lot. I still do. I promised him I’d be waiting for him to come back, and I’ve kept that promise. If he were to come driving up the driveway right now, I’d get up and go to him, because I made that promise, and I’d keep it. It would hurt me a lot to do it, now, but I gave my word.”

“That’s why you two have never actually gotten married, right?” Jackie asked.

“Yeah,” Mike said. “It used to bother me some. It still bothers my mother, a lot. But, I’ve gone along with Kirsten on it. Maybe that’s the way I honor Henry, and respect his memory. I’ve often thought I ought to ask you guys if I could tag along if you ever got to go, because it is an interesting story. I’ve always been a little concerned that you guys would think I was doing it to help clear the issue up, so maybe Kirsten and I could get married. I mean, there’s a part of me that would like to know, but it’s a small part, any more. Mostly, if you guys find him, it’s going to be a good story to cover.”

“I don’t . . . uh . . . let me think,” Mark said. He stared off into the steam for a moment. “That makes me wonder a little. I wonder if that couple from California having a news crew with them might have had an effect on their getting visas.”

“Might be,” Mike replied. “Who knows?”

“Oh, hell, we all know you have your own reasons,” Mark said. “We all have our own reasons. I don’t think the guys would mind it very much if it gave us some leverage on getting permission to look for him.” Mark paused for a moment, obviously thinking, then went on thoughtfully, “As far as that goes, I wonder how much water your situation would carry with the Vietnamese.”

Mike frowned. “I don’t quite follow you.”

“OK, you’re not a vet, that’s one thing, so that might put a little different spin on it. Let’s say you tell the Viets that your girl won’t marry you unless she knows her old fiancée is dead. Maybe you were big against the war in the old days, and that puts you between a rock and a hard spot, and your position sort of guarantees them favorable publicity.”

“I wasn’t necessarily against the war,” Mike said. “Toward the end, I wasn’t for it, either, but no one else was by then. But I never did any demonstrations, or burned my draft card or anything like that.”

Mark smiled. “They don’t have to know that. If we word it right, you don’t even have to say it.”

“You think it would work?”

Mark shrugged. “No, I don’t know if it would or not. Nothing else has, so who’s to say it would or wouldn’t? We’re shooting in the dark, and always have been. With all due respect to Binky, we’re dealing with a bunch of goofy Vietnamese with their own motives who don’t have to make sense to us, and there’s no way of telling what yanks their chain and what doesn’t. On top of that, we’re dealing with a bunch of communists with their own motives, and those really don’t have to make sense to a rational person. That couple from California, they managed to yank the right chain, on the right day. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked the day before or the day after.”

“Well, I’m not going to rule it out,” Mike said. “Kirsten, what do you think?”

“Oh, I’ll do my part with a visa application or whatever,” she said. “But, I don’t think I’d want to go to Vietnam. If Mike wants to go with you though, fine with me.”

“You’re up to the idea of going, then, Mike?”

“Sure,” Mike said. “My own interests aside, it’s a pretty good story, and it’ll be a big deal if you’re successful. I’ll have a talk with Webb and see if maybe the Record-Herald would be willing to pick up part of the cost of my going, and I think Kirsten and I can come up with enough cover the rest if the paper will go part. But, you’re looking at being gone several weeks, right? Timing is going to be an issue. Like, if we’re shy a junior reporter, I’m going to have to stay right here.”

“I’ll run it by Gil tomorrow,” Mark said. “We may want to run it by the rest of the guys before we try, at least the part about you going, Mike, but I don’t think anyone is likely to object.”

“It’s worth a try, I guess,” Mike said.

“Who knows? It might be worth a try. I don’t think he’s ready to send in the application from Heikki and Heidi yet. He’ll probably want to do that one first, and maybe we can include you on that one, too.”

After a while, they were pretty well cooked by the hot tub, and feeling mellow. It was hard to get out, hurry to put the cover on the hot tub, and go inside to get some clothes on to take the edge off the chill. The kids were all asleep; Tiffany had seen that Henry had gotten to bed before heading off herself, and Susan had gone down even before Mark and Jackie had shown up.

As soon as their visitors headed on up the road, Mike and Kirsten headed for bed themselves. They snuggled up to each other, and whispered softly. “That was nice what you said,” Kirsten murmured.

“You mean, about going? It’d be something different, and I do have a degree of personal interest.”

“Well, yeah, but not that,” she replied. “That part about how your life wouldn’t have been as good if you hadn’t met me. That was sweet.”

“I meant it,” he said.

“Well, the same for you,” she said. “I’ve always had these visions, these dreams of what it would have been like with Henry, but, I really meant it when I said I’m happy with the way things worked out. You put up with a lot of shit from me those first months, in fact, for years. I can’t imagine someone else being as patient.”

Mike sometimes wondered himself how he had done it. When he’d first gotten together with Kirsten, he’d never figured she’d be more than a one night stand or a pleasant few evenings at best, and that was over ten years ago. It still mystified him a little over why she had settled down with him. Not that he was complaining; there wasn’t much he would have gone back and changed if he could have. She was thickening up now, putting on a few pounds, but she was still a stacked-up little blonde who still turned him on without half trying, just as she was doing now. There was little question in his mind that walking into the front door of the Record-Herald that first time was the best thing he’d ever done.

“You had your reasons,” Mike smiled, “And I knew it. Besides, I was a horny young buck who figured a push in the bush was worth two in the hand, and I could put up with a lot of shit for that.”

“That’s gross and disgusting,” Kirsten laughed. “And probably explains a lot of people, not just us.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “But it worked out pretty good in the long run, didn’t it?”

“Yes, it did,” she whispered, and brought her mouth close to kiss him.