It took longer than Darrin O’Rourke had hoped for his friend to get back to him with the news from his girlfriend, but it was everything he could have asked for. The problem was that it wasn’t really a hell of a lot and there was only so much he could do with it without getting into a libel situation.

At that it wasn’t more than he’d known in the beginning, but it was enough. Once he knew he had a story, he visited the health department and went through their inspection records, which were open to the public; sure enough, Wilson’s had been cited several times for various minor violations. It was very hard for a restaurant to get through an inspection without an inspector finding something; it was what they were paid for, after all. That added a little depth to the story, and this time he got an official denial about any kind of investigation going on.

Even so, it wasn’t much of a story, but it was something. Still, he could make something of it, so he wrote:

City Health Department officials are unwilling to state if there is an investigation going on in regard to several complaints about two Wilson’s Sub Shops in the city.

According to sources, eleven customers of the company have experienced vomiting and stomach cramps in the past month. One woman was hospitalized after eating food prepared in one of the stores. Health Department officials deny knowing what could have caused the problems.

The story went on like that for three more paragraphs, one of them speculating that botulism or salmonella might have been the cause of the incidents, along with the statement that the health department had not been willing to state anything about the cause. Another paragraph gave the location of the stores.

It was a slow news day, so it ran on page three rather than being buried deep inside the paper. It really wasn’t much, but Darrin realized that it got the city desk off his back for a day or two.

There were three television stations in the city. All of them got the News delivered to them by midday, and all of them had reporters who saw the story. Like most television stations, it was a short piece of local news, the kind of thing they liked to cover since it wasn’t too complicated. All three of them ran simplified versions of the story on their local news roundups, all of them voice-overs of pictures of one or the other of the two stores.

Neither Milt nor Maxine Wilson saw the stories. They also didn’t see the big print ads in the newspaper advertising the opening of Sandy’s Super Subs, or the smaller one advertising the opening of the Hot Dog Hut right next to one of their stores. They also didn’t see the television ads, or hear the ones on the radio.

They were busy with the rehearsal dinner, since Petra’s wedding would be the next day.

Barry was glad to get back to his motel room after the rehearsal dinner. After tonight he still wasn’t sure how bad he wanted to marry Petra. If she came out anything like her mother, his life was eventually going to be hell! That woman was such a pain in the ass it was unbelievable.

He had to admit that she’d nailed down just about every arrangement it was possible to make. This was a good motel room, for example, nice and close, and all paid for at that. The only problem was that his friends who had come up for the wedding and his parents were in a different motel. With nothing being said, he got the impression that Petra’s mother didn’t consider them to be anywhere near as important to what was going to go on as the bride’s friends and family were.

It looked like it was going to be a huge wedding though; he knew more about it than he wanted to, mostly because of the ongoing bullshit from Petra’s mother. There had been more of it than he’d wanted to put up with, and he could see that it had been a good idea for him to spend most of the time around home, rather than hanging around this town with Petra.

Among other things, it had given him one last unexpected shot at Rhonda Thomas, a kid who had been a class down from him in high school. Rhonda was all right, but she was nothing like as nice as that gal down in Florida on spring break. She had been in a class all by herself; he’d never dreamed it could be that good. Petra just didn’t compare to that, and now it looked like he’d never have the chance to find out if there were any others like her out there.

Perhaps it was just as well that his friends were in a different motel, because he wanted to be at least partway sober for the wedding tomorrow, although it might be more enjoyable if he was blitzed. The rehearsal dinner had been tiresome, as well as a pain in the neck, mostly because Petra’s mother had to have everything just so. He planned on changing clothes, then just lying down to rest for a few minutes to pull himself together for what was to come the rest of the evening.

There was no big bachelor party planned, but he was going to get together with some of his friends and have a few just to loosen up. He’d heard hints that they were looking to find a strip club somewhere, and if they did it would be all right with him, at least assuming Petra’s mother didn’t find out about it. God, what a pain in the ass that woman was! If he’d known how bad it was going to be he’d have had some serious second thoughts about marrying Petra, although it was too late to do anything about it now. If Petra came out in the long run as bad as her mother, things didn’t look promising.

Just as he was getting set to lie down there was a knocking on the door – a hard knocking, not the light tap of a maid wanting to do something in the room. It paused for a second, and then continued again. “I wonder what that’s all about,” he thought as he went to answer it.

Since this was a big city, not his friendly little town, he used the peephole to see who was there, but could see nothing but darkness. The knocking came a third time, and he loudly said, “I’m here. Give me a minute.” He took a deep breath, then opened the door.

There was a guy standing there who seemed as big as a house. He had a clean-shaven head, was wearing a cheap suit, and had obvious scars on his face, along with an attitude that didn’t seem friendly in the slightest. “You Barry Keller?” the guy asked.

“Yes,” he replied, feeling more than a little intimidated all of a sudden.

“Good,” the guy said, pushing toward him. “The boss wants to have a word with you, and it’s something you ought to listen to.”

Even though Barry hadn’t asked him to come in, he felt himself reluctantly step backward, and the guy followed, then a second guy who wasn’t a heck of a lot smaller than the first guy. A third man dressed in a nice suit, wearing sunglasses and a large white hat, carrying a briefcase followed them into the room; the guy in the back closed the door behind them.

“W-What’s this all about?” Barry said, feeling pretty fearful right then, especially when he noticed that all three were wearing surgical gloves. “Why did you just barge in here . . .”

“You need to understand something,” the third guy, the one in the good suit, said. He wasn’t anywhere near as big and as mean-looking as the other two, but somehow he seemed more menacing than either of the others, if that was possible, “and that’s that there are people who are not very happy with you.”

“What? I mean, who . . .”

“Moe,” the smaller man snapped. “You might want to show young Mr. Keller something.”

The second big lug pulled a black tablet computer from an inner pocket, flipped open the cover, and pulled up the main screen. He tapped the screen with a huge finger, and a video on the screen came to life.

Barry couldn’t help but gasp at it – it was a video of him making time with the gorgeous chick down in Florida back on spring break!

“Do you recognize anyone?” the smaller man snapped in a tone as cold as ice.

“Uh, yeah. That’s me, and . . . well, I never got her name. How did you get that?”

“I have ways,” the man replied, not friendly at all. “Now, do I have to ask you what would happen if I happened to show this to Petra? Or her mother and stepfather? Or all of them at the same time? And what would any of them say if they knew that there had been others besides the girl in this video?”

Barry’s heart was racing. This was not what he had expected! Holy shit, if Petra or any of the others were to see that clip, his ass would be grass!

“Keller,” the menacing guy in the hat said sharply.

“Uh, yeah,” he said. “They wouldn’t be happy.”

“I think you could say that. They wouldn’t be happy. What’s more, Larry, the man who’s waiting outside to see that we’re not disturbed wouldn’t be happy. Moe and Curly here wouldn’t be happy. I would be unhappy. And you can be assured that the family would not be happy.”

“Family?” Barry replied in a small voice.

“Yes, family. Keller, you have no idea what you almost got yourself into, and it would not be pleasant. Now, I’m here to make you a little offer, one that you would be wise to accept. I would go so far as to say you don’t want to refuse it.”

“Offer?”

“Yes, offer.” He sat the briefcase down on the bed and opened it. Packs upon packs of neatly wrapped bills were inside. “If you get in your car and drive away right now without telling anyone, you can take this briefcase with you. That’s twenty-five thousand dollars, Keller, all in small, used, untraceable bills. That’s enough to get a long way from here, Keller.”

“But . . . but that would mean I’d have to leave Petra behind.”

“Yes, it does. But do you really want to have to put up with your prospective mother-in-law, Keller? Especially after she sees the video Moe just showed you?”

“I . . . uh . . . I don’t know . . . it’s not going to be easy.”

“No, it will not be easy, but there are worse things that could happen and you may well face them if you don’t take me up on this once-in-a-lifetime offer. The chance will not come again. All you have to do is get in your car and go. Your parents are not at home so you could pick up anything you might need from there, but keep moving, a long ways from here.”

“Um . . . uh . . .”

“Don’t think that you can take the money and double-cross us,” he said bluntly. “As I said, Moe and Curly here would not be happy, and I would especially not be happy. You would be wise to stay far away from Petra. If you do that, the family most likely will not come after you. But if you try to have your cake and eat it too, you may not have long to enjoy it.”

“Oh, hell,” Barry said, coming to a decision. “I wasn’t all that crazy about marrying her in the first place. That mother of hers is a real pain in the ass.”

“I will not disagree with that,” the menacing guy in the sunglasses and hat said with the first touch of humor he had displayed. “I don’t think you would enjoy having her for a mother-in-law. Would you like Moe and Curly to help you pack?”

“No, I can get it. I’m mostly packed already.”

“Then I don’t think you’ll mind if we stand here and watch. While you’re loading your things in your car, you would be wise to leave any of Petra’s things you might have here in this room.”

“Jesus, Royce,” Paul said as the four of them watched Barry drive away. “Where did you come up with that bullshit? And that attitude?”

“When you’ve been as single as long as I have, you watch a lot of old movies to kill time in the evenings,” Royce laughed, all of the menace of “the boss” gone. “And I did some amateur theatricals back in college. I take it you liked my George Raft impression, then?”

“I think it would have broken down if you’d had to push it much further,” Paul – also known as “Larry” – said. “But I think you got through to him.”

“I hope so,” Royce agreed. “Now, how well it’ll hold up will be a different story, but I think we made a believer of him.”

“I thought it was well done,” “Curly” smiled. “Except that I had a heck of a lot of trouble keeping from breaking up when you called us Larry, Moe, and Curly. The Three Stooges? Come on, what do kids today know about their cultural heritage?”

“Too busy playing video games to enjoy the finer things in life,” “Moe” laughed. “I thought it was nicely done. You never made any threats except for that last bit about not living long enough to enjoy it if he double-crossed you.”

“That’s not what I said. I said he won’t have long to enjoy it, and he won’t. Twenty-five grand is a good nest egg or stake to build something on if he’s careful, but I don’t think he’s wise enough to do it. I don’t really want to know, but I’ll bet it’s gone in three months.”

“Well, when you put it that way, you’re probably right,” Curly agreed. “But why blow that much money on a punk like him?”

Royce shrugged. “There are several answers to that, but the biggest one is that it’s cheap at the price to get him out of here. I have the money, so I might as well use it to accomplish what I want to. What’s more, it was enough money to impress him of just how serious I was, but not too much money. I was planning on giving him fifty, but I finally figured twenty-five would do, so why waste it? It just shows how cheaply he can be bought. What’s more, he won’t be likely to come back to see if there’s more where that came from.”

“No, I don’t think he will, either,” Moe laughed. “I think you really put the fear of the mob in him. That came out a lot different than I was expecting. I figured you were going to have to slap him around to get his attention, and we didn’t want to see that happen.”

“Yeah, we would have stopped you if it got out of hand,” Curly agreed. “We’re off-duty cops, both of us, and we didn’t want to see anyone get murdered.”

“Cops?”

“Just being on the safe side,” Larry grinned. “I didn’t want to be involved if it got too far out of hand. These guys have worked for me before from time to time.”

“Nothing quite like this,” Curly laughed. “I gotta admit, that was more fun than I thought it would be. You slapped him around, and you did it pretty bad, but you never laid a finger on him. It was all psychological warfare, and you had him figured exactly.”

“Well, you guys did your part pretty well, too,” Royce grinned as he reached into his suit jacket for three envelopes, handing one to each man. “There’s more here than I promised for you two, since I’m going to have to file tax forms on it, so there ought to be enough to make up the difference. Paul, your amount is as agreed, since I know you take care of your own taxes.”

“You’re reporting this?” Curly frowned.

“Yeah, I want to make sure everything is on the up and up, so make sure you include it when you do your tax returns,” Royce laughed. “What’s more, I’m going to report that I paid young Mr. Keller, too. It may take the IRS a while to catch up on him, but he ought to have some fun explaining how he skipped paying, oh, probably about ten thousand in taxes. I doubt if it’s enough to send him to jail, but I’ll bet every cent of that payoff is gone by the time they catch up with him.”

“I think you’ve got him figured out on that one pretty well, too,” Moe laughed.

“So what happens next?” Paul smiled.

“Now is the time to sit back and watch the fun,” Royce laughed. “I don’t have to do anything from here on in but enjoy it.”

A few months before Royce had given some thought to just missing the wedding, but now he wouldn’t do it for the world. Probably nothing much was going to happen, but that was just the point; what didn’t happen, and how it didn’t happen, was going to be worth the trouble.

From what he could see from his innocuous location toward the back of the church, Maxine had indeed gone all out on decorations. There were any number of white orchids to be seen, and he didn’t even want to think about what those must have cost. A bundle, at least. There were other decorations, and all of them looked expensive, as well.

There was a huge crowd in the seats; it pretty well packed the place, and St. Mark’s was not small. He couldn’t imagine that Maxine had that many relatives, or even friends. There had to be a lot of people there from Milt’s family, as well; it was hard to say but it looked like Barry’s friends and family were also well represented.

As far as Royce could tell there was no one there from his own family, not that he expected any to be. He didn’t have that much family in this part of the world anyway, and he certainly had not been consulted about them.

A part of him wished that he’d brought a book with him, since it was getting boring just sitting there looking out at the crowd. He checked his watch; things were due to start at two o’clock, but it was long after that now and nothing was happening. He could see that people were getting restive, wondering what the holdup was.

From his seat near the back of the church, he could see that there was some kind of a tizzy going on out in the vestibule of the church, he could also hear a lot of whispers, finally followed by an earsplitting scream that had to have come from Maxine. After a while, he could hear a siren pull up; out of the corner of his eye he could see emergency medical technicians bringing in a gurney. It did not take much for him to figure out what had happened, and it brought a smile to his soul although he tried to keep his face impassive.

To give Milt his due, he was the one who bucked up whatever it took to walk to the front of the church, stand near the altar, and say quite loudly, “Folks, we’ve got a little problem here.”

There was a babble of voices that quickly filled the church. It was pretty clear that there had been a problem. Milt held his hands up to call for silence, and after a while he got it. “I don’t know how to say this, and I don’t know what happened, but somehow we seem to have misplaced the groom.”

Now the babble of voices was louder, a cacophony that was almost earsplitting. Once again, Milt held his hands up until the noise died down. “Obviously we can’t have a wedding without the groom, so it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen today. All I can say is that we have a nice spread of food all laid out at the reception hall up the street, so we might as well make use of it. I’m sorry this had to happen, but . . . I’m sorry. Thanks for coming anyway.”

And, to give credit where credit is due, as Royce was filing out – early, from sitting near the back of the room – he saw Petra standing at the door, fighting back tears, thanking people for coming and apologizing to them for the problem. All of a sudden he felt very sorry for his daughter, but she showed the stuff she was made of. It took something strong in her spirit to stand up and face people, rather than hiding somewhere away from everyone.

He waited his turn to shake her hand in a little bit of condolence, but to his surprise she reached out and gave him a big hug. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” she whispered into his ear. “I’m sorry for everything.”

Up until a minute or two before, Royce had lost patience with his daughter, but now he was impressed with her courage. That may have been why he decided to say what he said next. “Give things a little while to die down,” he replied in a low voice. “Then come and see me. I think we have things to talk about.”

“I think we do, too,” she whispered. “They’re things we ought to have talked about a long time ago.”

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