Nanci was soon in her car driving back toward Tyler. The road was gravel and appeared to have been graded at some time in the recent past, but there were still a lot of potholes so she had to take it easy.

Art had a point about getting a sturdier car if she was going to be driving around a lot in this end of the county, and she expected that she would be. After all, with the exception of the highway and one poorly paved county road, everything else was gravel or dirt and Nanci had seen bigger potholes than the ones on this road. In any case, she didn’t want the fear of tearing up her cherished Camry to keep her from getting to some of the places she really needed to go. That was as good an argument as any.

There was no doubt that the Camry was starting to get elderly. As she had told Art, she’d been driving it since she graduated from high school, although it had sat still for considerable periods over the years. In the summers the last six years, for example, when she’d been taking rafts down through the Grand Canyon, there had been times she hadn’t put a hundred miles on it all summer. But those times were balanced off by frequently driving between Phoenix and Flagstaff in the winters when she had been going to Black Mesa College as an undergraduate, and, in the last two years, several trips between Flagstaff and Hickory Run in Kentucky.

It was getting old enough and had miles enough on it that it had paid for itself many times over, not that she had paid anything for it in the first place: it had been a gift from her father, after all. But she really didn’t want to give it up, since it had played such an important part in her life: it had been the lifeboat she’d ridden out of Chicago and away from the horrors she’d experienced there. Not only had it been a key to her escaping her old life, it was a reminder of how far she had come.

The problem was that while she wanted to keep it, she didn’t know how she could do it. On occasion she’d thought that perhaps her stepfather Al could find a place to store in around Flagstaff for an extended period of time, and the idea had potential. Besides, she knew she didn’t know much about cars, and wanted Al involved in buying a replacement vehicle, mostly because she had little idea of what to look for, or how to judge the condition of something she found.

But Art had brought the problem into focus, and it was pretty clear that she was going to have to do something about the Camry in the near future. There wasn’t a huge rush about it, but it was something on which she needed to be moving ahead.

Getting out to the highway at least made the issue seem a little less critical. She turned to the east toward Tyler, with the growing thunderheads now less prominent in her rear view mirror, and found herself thinking about the funeral. It had gone pretty well, she thought; it had been dignified, not too heavily spiritual, and had brought out some of the good things to remember about Elmer. Once again she wished she had known the man, because he had sounded like a good one, at least to hear Art and the others talk about him.

From what little had been said on the subject, Nanci suspected that Elmer had been more religious than she had been led to believe. Apparently he was one of those people who took his life with God out under the sky and felt uncomfortable in a church or being preached at. If so, Elmer wasn’t the first one Nanci had run across, but to each his own.

Although she hadn’t talked much to Pepper’s grandson Gerald, he seemed like a nice guy, and that daughter of his was a sweetie, both well-behaved and respectful. That took some good parenting with a child her age, but it was clear that they both doted on each other – or at least depended on each other a lot. That was no surprise; they were in a strange country, as strange for them as it was for her, if not worse, so about all they had to hang onto was each other. That couldn’t be easy, and it was part of why she had offered to have the two for dinner the next evening – to show a bit of friendship and compassion. Although she couldn’t put her finger on why, there was something about him that made her want to know more about him.

All in all, Nanci felt satisfied with her first couple of weeks in Walke County. It was going to be a slow process to settle in, and knew it would take a while for her to get fully accepted. In fact, as in many small places, she probably never would be fully accepted, since that could take a lifetime to accomplish. Though Tyler was the larger church and she lived in the parsonage there, she understood that she also had a responsibility to Conestoga, and she would try to give it as much attention as she could.

So far it had worked well. Nanci knew, of course, that Bishop Ennis would be happy if both the churches were to vote to merge, but Nanci didn’t see it happening anytime soon. After Saturday, and then today, she had come to understand that the Conestoga church, like other small churches she had serviced, was more than just a building; it was a congregation of friends and a place for friends and neighbors to come together. She was sure that something valuable would be lost if the two churches were forced to merge. Bigger is not always better, and it was one of those things that Nanci knew very well.

Actually, she liked the Conestoga church the way it was. Oh, yes, it needed things like paint, but a church wasn’t supposed to be just a building but instead a body of believers. While she’d had little actual experience with the church, she had already realized that the people there were closer than they were in Tyler, mostly because they needed to be.

The sky to the west was really starting to look threatening when she pulled into the driveway of the parsonage in Tyler, though it looked like it would be a while before the storm hit if it even did. She went inside to find Amber already there, sitting at the kitchen table and going over her homework, wearing some of the new clothes they’d gotten in Carondelet Tuesday evening. They hadn’t bought a great deal, but somehow Amber had seemed to stand taller after she put on the new clothes for the first time.

Amber had known she would have to let herself in with the key Nanci had given her, and apparently there had been no problem with it. “So how was school today?” she asked.

“If I said it was the same old thing, would you believe me?” Amber smirked.

“Yes, I would,” Nanci laughed. “I know I felt the same way when I was your age. Are you having trouble with anything I can help you with?”

“No, I think I’m good. So how was the funeral?”

“It went better than I expected,” Nanci admitted. “I asked people to share their memories of Mr. Pepper, and there were some interesting ones. He appears to have been a good man, but life just caught up with him.”

“I guess,” Amber replied a little somberly. “Maybe that was what happened to Mom, too. Life just got to be too much for her, and she turned to the bottle to deal with it.”

“Could be,” Nanci replied, thinking that she’d seen it happen with others, and that Amber had probably gotten pretty close to the truth. Right at the moment she didn’t want to get into the topic again, as occasionally happened with the girl. There was some unfinished business there, and Nanci didn’t want to distract her from her homework. She appeared to be a good and dedicated student; like in many other things, there was more there than met the eye. “I’m going to go in and change to something a little more comfortable,” she went on.

“Yeah, you look like a minister with what you have on,” Amber laughed.

“Well, I am a minister, so that’s how I’m supposed to look.” She had been wearing a long dark gray skirt and a black blouse with a clerical collar; it was appropriate to wear such things at a funeral but not very comfortable for just lounging or working around the house.

In her bedroom, it felt good to put on jeans and a white blouse; somehow it seemed more like the person she really was. When she had been attending Hickory Run, she and her suitemate and friend Sarah had to dress semi formally, and she would not have been out of place wearing the clothes she had worn at the funeral, but somehow that seemed like it was overdoing it a little for Tyler.

She was just buttoning her blouse when the phone rang. “Amber, could you get that?” she called.

“Sure thing.” A few seconds passed, and then she heard the girl’s voice, “Tyler Methodist Parsonage, Amber speaking.” Now where, Nanci wondered, had she learned that? From listening to her answer the phone, she guessed. A few seconds more passed before Amber said, “Nanci, it’s for you.”

As Nanci walked toward the phone she wondered who else it could be for, but thought maybe Keith might be calling Amber – but she would have seen him at school, and there might not have been time for him to get home on the school bus yet. She took the phone from Amber’s outstretched hand and said, “This is Reverend Chladek.”

“You know, I still can’t quite believe it when I hear that,” she heard her mother Karin laugh. “That must be a pretty big church for you to have a secretary.”

“Oh, Amber’s not my secretary,” Nanci grinned. “She’s a kid who’s staying with me for a while, but she’s pretty businesslike, isn’t she?”

“Staying with you? What’s that all about?”

“It’s a long story. Her mother disappeared, and they don’t have any kind of foster-care program in this county so I sort of volunteered,” she replied, simplifying the situation somewhat. So what’s happening in Flagstaff?”

“I just got off the river. We had a pretty good trip for one I wasn’t expecting to go on.” When Nanci had been in Flagstaff two weeks before, she’d had to pull out of that trip at the last minute. Her mother was fully qualified as a boatman, but as business manager for Canyon Tours she didn’t have time for regular runs rowing a raft. But she was often the first person tapped as an emergency replacement, and she’d replaced her daughter on that trip.

“Good. I didn’t like having to dump that on you, but you knew it could happen, and at least I was able to give you a little warning. Are you going to be doing the next one?”

“No, Al was able to do a little shuffling, but it means there’s a senior swamper rowing a gear boat on the Gold crew. We thought about giving Sarah a gear boat, but we decided that she needs a little more experience. She’s coming along pretty well, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she winds up rowing one on the fall trips.”

“Good. I miss her, and I hope she’s doing well.” Nanci had gotten Sarah the job with Canyon Tours the previous summer, and she’d done well as a swamper – the term for a helper and general grunt-worker on the river – while she was learning to row rafts in the Canyon. “So what else is happening?”

“Al said he hadn’t heard anything from you, so I thought I ought to call and see how you’re settling in.”

“I’m starting to get my feet under me a little. If you’d called ten minutes sooner you wouldn’t have caught me. I just got back from doing a funeral service out in the west part of the county. This is sure a different place than the Canyon, Mom.”

“Are there any mountains there?”

“No, just rolling prairie, mostly pretty flat. Some is shortgrass grazing land, and in some places there are crops. I haven’t had any time to look yet, but out at the Conestoga church in the western end of the county I think I might be able to catch a hint of Pike’s Peak, but I’m not real sure about it. I’ll have to take a closer look sometime. So how’s the rest of the family?”

“Nothing really new,” Karin replied. “The kids are still growing and everybody is healthy. Is there any chance you’re going to be back in the area anytime soon?”

“Probably not. Well, maybe, but if I’m back in the next few months it’ll probably only be a quick trip, in and out, and probably in the middle of the week. That’s something I need to talk to Al about. Is he there?”

“I’m here, Nanci,” she heard her stepfather say. “I’m listening in on the other phone. So you like it out there in the flatlands, huh?”

“I’m learning to like it. Al, this afternoon I was talking with the man who is pretty much the lay leader of everything at the Conestoga church, and he pointed out to me that I’m going to tear up the Camry if I drive it very much on the back roads around here. I think he’s right. I’ve told you before that I don’t want to give up the Camry entirely, but I was wondering if you could find someplace to store it for a few years, and then look for a new car for me. Or at least a newer used car.”

“I can likely find you something. What do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know what I have in mind. He says that a sport utility or small pickup would be a lot sturdier than driving a car, and I believe him. Either one. I think I’d like it to be something on the smaller side. I can’t see the need for a great big one.”

“I can probably find something, maybe a Subaru Forester or something like that. I’ll have to look around and see what’s suitable for you.

“About the only thing I can tell you is that whatever it is, it probably ought to be American,” Nanci pointed out. “I was looking for a Toyota dealership when I came back through and didn’t see one, and there’s nothing like that in this town. I think it’d probably be hard enough to get parts for an American car here, let alone anything Japanese.”

“Yeah, that might be something to think about. How do you plan on paying for it?”

“I should be able to get a car loan now that I have a job,” she laughed. “I mean, I’m not a Colorado River raft bum any longer.”

“Yeah, sometimes those people are a little spotty about making car payments,” Al snickered. “Being out on the river so much has something to do with it. You aren’t in any big rush, are you?”

“No, it’s just something that needs to be done before I do much more damage to the Camry.”

“Well, I’ll look around and see what I can see.”

They talked for a few more minutes about this and that. It was good to touch base with both of them, and Nanci owed them a lot. “We’re going to have to get up there and see you sometime,” Al said as the conversation was winding down. “But you know what things are like around here this time of the year, so I doubt if we’ll be able to make it before tripping season is over with.”

“I think I remember what it’s like,” Nanci laughed. “But things move on a different schedule and at a different pace around here. Hey, Mom, Al, it’s been good to talk to you. Send my love to everybody.”

“Same here,” Karin said. “And say hello to Amber for us, too.”

“I’ll be sure to do it. Hey, I’ll try to be a little better about calling, but stuff was going by quickly and I knew you were on the river anyway.”

It still took a few more minutes before Nanci was able to hang up the phone. It felt good to talk to her mother and Al; while they would have been happy if she had decided to stay with Canyon Tours, both of them realized that she had a higher calling – and were happy to see it.

“Your mom and dad, huh?” Amber asked somberly.

“Mom and stepdad,” Nanci explained.

“I never had a dad,” Amber replied bleakly. “At least not one that I ever knew about, and Mom never said anything about him. You’re lucky, you know?”

“Yes, I am, and I do know it,” Nanci said, realizing that this was going to be a serious moment with the girl. “I was out of touch with Mom and my real father for years when I was not a lot older than you are, and I did some terrible things in that time. When I finally got back together with Mom, well, they didn’t have much of a reason to trust me, but they did anyway, and it was more Al who took the risk than Mom. They took several big chances on me, and I at least, finally, was smart enough to not ruin the trust they’d offered me. I wouldn’t be a minister if they hadn’t given me their wholehearted support.”

Amber was silent for several seconds before she said, “Nanci, do you trust me?”

“You haven’t given me any reason to not trust you, at least so far. That’s why I gave you a key to the house so you could let yourself in after school. I’ll bet I don’t have reason to mistrust you very often, either.”

“Nobody’s ever trusted me like that. Nobody but my mother, and then I think she trusted me only because she had to, not because she wanted to. Nanci, I know that a lot of people seem to think I’m the scum of the earth, mostly because of her. I never wanted things to be that way, but that’s just how they were. I don’t want people to hate me like they do my mom. I want to be like you, someone people look up to and respect. I don’t know how I’ll ever do it.”

“I can’t tell you,” Nanci said. “All I can tell you is that you have to earn it a little at a time, and we both know it’s going to be harder for you, especially in this town. That’s not to say that it can’t be done, because it can be. Amber, not everyone is worthy of trust and respect, and you probably know that as well as I do. Look, you heard me talking to my stepfather about buying a car, didn’t you?”

“Of course.”

“Let’s just say that car salesmen are rarely worthy of trust, at least from the stories I’ve heard. I’ve never actually bought a car on my own, but I trust my stepfather to be a better judge of cars than I am. If you don’t give people reason to doubt you, in time they’ll start to realize that you’re the real thing, and not a rubber-stamp of your mother.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I’m hoping that you’ll trust me and that I can trust you, and I hope that in time people will see that trust and learn from it. Hopefully in time other people will learn that you’re worthy of trust, too.”

Nanci had come to understand that while she liked Amber a lot, in many ways she was a very broken girl. In this case, it was just the deplorable situation she had been brought up in, rather than bringing it more or less on herself like Nanci had done at that age. While she was competent, self-reliant, and pleasant, underneath the surface there was a lot of shame and self-doubt, mostly due to her mother and the way they had lived. It would have been nice if there was some magic way to fix that, but Nanci suspected that building up Amber’s self-confidence was going to be like building a wall, one brick at a time.

They had taken the first steps, but it was going to take a while. Still, to Nanci, it seemed like it was worth the effort, because it still seemed like Amber was a good kid who could make a great deal of herself if given half a chance.

They sat and talked for a while, and Nanci used the opportunity to tell Amber a few verses from the Bible and explain how they applied to her. Nanci could feel Amber’s hunger to know about Jesus, to know about sin and forgiveness – things she really needed to know – but she didn’t want to dump everything on the girl all at once. Nanci suspected that the girl had to thoroughly comprehend the Love of God and belief and Jesus setting her free from sin; it couldn’t just be understood in the head but had to be felt from the heart.

Finally, Nanci said, “It’s getting to be time that we start supper. What would you think of spaghetti tonight?”

“It sounds good,” Amber said. “But then, everything really sounds good to me. I’ve learned to not be very picky.”

“Oh, I almost forgot. We’re going to have guests for dinner tomorrow night.”

“Guests? Would you like me to go somewhere else while they’re here?”

“No, Amber. I’m not ashamed to have you seen with me. I said we’re going to have guests, and that means you and me. It’s going to be Elmer Pepper’s grandson and his little girl. I expect they’ll be coming by not long after school is out. I need to think of something to serve them. Just a good family meal.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had pot roast, but I always used to love it. Mom didn’t make it very often, even when we were living in our old place before we had to move to the shack. I remember her saying that it’s not a lot of trouble if you get started early.”

“That’s one thing I’ve never done. Amber, while it may not seem like it, I’m really not much of a cook. Most of what I learned about cooking I learned on the river, and I’m more comfortable with the things we used to prepare on the river. But pot roast is a good idea, and I’ll bet Gerald and Leah will enjoy it, too.”

This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.