Over the course of the next month, Helena did accompany Acacia up to Wade’s house a couple of times, both of them in the evenings after work. She was very nervous about it, but Acacia had apparently talked to Wade extensively, and she was as good as her word. The only time the words, “My Lord” were used were attached to the words, “What a lousy hand,” while they were playing gin rummy – and it was Wade who used them. They were pleasant evenings, if a little dull, but Helena knew what lurked not far below the bland surface, what should have been hanging from the empty peg on the plaque above the fireplace. Eventually, Helena started turning down Acacia’s invitations, not because of what might happen, but because she knew all too well that her presence was keeping Wade and Acacia from what they really wanted to be doing.

That didn’t mean that Helena was any less troubled. Though she tried to stifle her worries, they refused to go away; they were always lurking there, not far below the surface. She still looked back at what she had learned in the karada tie that afternoon with intense fear – because, on the whole, she had enjoyed the experience. It was what that meant that scared her.

Several times she thought about quitting her job and moving home, for what it was worth. She didn’t want to do that, either – it was a good job, and she was making very good money for someone just out of college. With the size of her college loan payments, she needed the money. Besides, and more important, moving home wouldn’t remove the worries about what had been revealed to her that afternoon – they wouldn’t go away with a mere change of scene.

In spite of Acacia’s attempts to be friendly, she felt herself drawing away from her roommate – she reminded her too much of what she was worried about. That just made a lonely life even lonelier. She was far from home, and didn’t know anyone, really, except for Wade and Acacia and a few people at work, who were friendly but not friends. Oh, she tried to do something about that loneliness. She’d been brought up as a church-going girl, and she thought that might help, but that turned into a bust when she went to a nearby church and found herself getting a heavy proselytizing message about coming to Jesus and being saved, a tough sell for a girl that had been a member of her church from the time she was old enough. She found no friends there, only hypocrisy. She tried another church, on another Sunday, and left feeling colder than when she went in.

About all she could do was to sit home and wallow in her doubts, fears, and loneliness as the weeks passed, dull and depressing days following one after another, hoping someday, somehow, something would happen to break the cycle. But as she slipped into despair, she was less and less willing to make the effort.

Finally, one Friday night, things hit bottom. Acacia was exuberant, happily anticipating an “off” weekend with Wade starting the first thing in the morning, and wasn’t trying to cover it up much, or, at least, didn’t think about it. Nothing really was said, but the air was filled with implications. They just sank deeper and deeper into Helena’s gut, until finally, she could take it no more. Without apology, she went to her room, closed the door, and sat down on the bed. Acacia was just too damn much. Her obvious joy at what was going to happen soon – whether it involved ropes or whips or any number of other things that she’d hinted at but not talked about much, mixed with the obvious anticipation of a weekend that was clearly also going to be filled with hot sex. Helena dreaded watching Acacia come in early Monday morning to change her clothes before going to work, knowing how mellow and fulfilled and happy she would be, when all she had to look forward to was another damn dull, boring weekend alone with her unhappiness. It just wasn’t fair.

While she sat on her bed, as down in the dumps as she had ever been, visions were still going through her mind. One that stayed there and stuck for a moment was the hot oil massage that she’d had from Wade and Acacia that first weekend. That had felt so good, she’d felt so mellow … and that brought to mind the stolen sight of Wade bringing Acacia to what was obviously an orgasm, just with his hands on her back. Oh, to have a man, to be able to feel something like that … her thoughts strayed to a drawer in her dresser, where her vibrator lay in its box. She hadn’t used it for a long time – it had seemed just a little sick to her – but she remembered back in the days when she was trying to get over Kevin and the goofy little affair that she’d thought might go somewhere before it turned sour. It had helped some, then. Maybe it would now. She might even feel good, she might at least feel something besides miserable.

Feeling just a little strange, but now suddenly determined, she stood up, stripped down to her panties, got the vibrator, and tried it out. Dead. Well not surprising; it had been a while. Were there any fresh batteries around? She checked; they looked to be the same batteries that the TV remote used. She heard Acacia in the shower and deciding there was no point in putting on a robe; she stalked determinedly out to the living room, got the remote, brought it back to her room and changed out the batteries. Good, it worked now, but God, this seemed perverted. Well, if she had the same kind of feelings Acacia had, that made her a pervert, didn’t it? Right at the moment, it didn’t seem to matter, she’d do almost anything to feel a little good. At that moment, if she’d thought being whipped would make her feel better she’d have been willing to give it a try. Well, not really. But … in a moment of inspiration, she slipped the terry-cloth belt out of her robe, tied one end to the bedpost, and left the other end where she could get at it. With hands shaking a little, she lubricated the plastic tool well, lay down on the bed, worked it into herself so her panties would keep it in, turned it on, and lay back, trying to wrap the other end of the belt around her wrists. It wasn’t easy to do, and she was still trying to figure it out, not yet really aware of the feelings down low in her body, when the vibrator gave few little shakes, and died.

That did it. That just damn did it. She reached down, yanked it out with the idea of finding some different batteries, but never got that far. It was just so damn unfair. She broke down in tears, not quiet little sobs, but some serious bawling. Everything sucked, and that just proved it.

“Helena?” she heard Acacia’s voice. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing works,” she said. “Nothing. Not even my Goddamn vibrator.”

“Oh, Helena,” Acacia said sadly, sitting down on the bed and wrapping her arms around the sobbing woman. “I’m sorry.”

“I … I … I … oh, damn,” Helena sobbed. “I can’t make anything work right!”

“Helena, can I help?” Acacia asked soothingly.

“I … what can you do?”

“Oh, I might have something that will help,” Acacia grinned. “I’ll be right back.”

Helena just lay there on the bed sobbing, but in a minute or two she felt Acacia sit down on the bed next to her. She looked up, and her eyes grew a little wide at what her roommate was holding. If her puny little piece of shit vibrator was an economy car, this was obviously the Cadillac … no, the Corvette, maybe even a Ferrari. It was bigger – lots bigger – and obviously powerful enough to take her breath away, already lubricated and ready to go.

“What were you doing?” Acacia asked quietly. “Trying to tie your hands?”

“Y-yes,” Helena admitted through her sobs. “I – I …”

“Would you like me to?” Acacia grinned.

All Helena could do was nod, and lay her arms back. In but seconds, Acacia had taken a couple quick wraps around her wrists with the belt, snubbed the ropes together and tied it off. Wordlessly, Helena spread her legs to accept the Corvette … if it would even fit.

It did. What a marvelous feeling it was to feel it slip deep within her, it’s powerful throbs and pulsations reaching deep into her brain. She felt Acacia holding her close, warm skin to hers, felt her roommate’s lips on hers … accepted them … and ooooohhhhhhHHHHHH!!!!!

Light was streaming in the window when Helena woke, for the first time ever, in the loving arms of someone else. That it was Acacia, that it was another woman, didn’t seem to matter much. It was a wonderful, relaxing, warm experience; her cares and troubles of days gone by seemed far away.

There were not a lot of clear memories of what had happened. It had gone on for a while, impressions all mixed together. She remembered, albeit vaguely, impressions of fantasies of Wade, of Kevin, of … well, lots of men, all more or less the same, more or less different, all of them wonderful.

She moved a little, and all of a sudden realized that although her wrists had been freed, the Corvette vibrator was still in her, held there by some extremely wet and stinky panties. They must have used it until the batteries ran down … no wonder she felt better … oh, my, how wonderful.

Not wanting to disturb the gentle sleep of her beautiful roommate whose head rested on her arm, she twisted as gently as she could, and gave her a little kiss on the lips. It seemed appropriate and didn’t bother her at all. Whatever shame she might have once felt, it had been washed away in the wonders of the night. The light touch of lips must have pushed Acacia over the edge into a slow, dreamy approach to wakefulness, and soon, inches before her eyes, she saw a mild smile come across her friend’s face. “Good morning, Acacia,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

“Feeling better now?” Acacia asked dreamily, beginning to remember what had happened the night before.

“Worlds better,” she purred. “That may be the best night I ever had.”

“You’re OK with it?” Acacia smiled.

Helena considered that for a moment. There had been a lot of worries the last few weeks about herself, about the feelings she’d had. After having such enjoyment for hours with Acacia with her hands bound, proved, if nothing else, that all her fears were correct. But somehow, now, it didn’t seem to matter. “I understand, now,” she said finally, after considering it for a moment as she held Acacia close. “I am what I am, so I guess I’d better make the best of it. If I’m a bondage freak, so be it. If I’m a pain freak, so be it. If I’m a lesbian, so …

“Oh God!” Acacia erupted in tears, burying her face in Helena’s shoulder, sobbing desperately. “My Lord is going to kill me.”

Now it was Helena that had her arms full of sobbing, desperate woman, rather than the other way around. “Acacia, Acacia,” Helena said, holding on to her, trying to somehow comfort her. “What’s the matter?”

“I broke a rule,” she sobbed. “A big one, the biggest one of all.”

“By comforting me?” Helena asked.

“Helena, you’re not the first woman I spent the night with,” Acacia blubbered into Helena’s shoulder. “The very first thing My Lord and I agreed upon was that there wouldn’t be any others, men or women. He was … he was very harsh about it.”

“Do you have to tell him? Can’t we just keep this our secret?”

“No,” she whined, sobbing again. “I have to see him soon. We have an agreement to be honest with each other. He knows me well enough that he’ll be able to see I’m covering something up. I’ll have to tell him, and he’ll be furious! The best thing I can do is tell him up front, because if he has to dig it out of me, it’ll be ten times worse.”

Acacia’s obvious terror shocked Helena. Here was a woman who could love being whipped, for God’s sake! What could Wade do that would throw her into this kind of terror? Feeling a lump rise in her throat, Helena pulled her friend close and said. “Acacia, I’m the one that got you into this. I could have said no, but I urged you on, so it’s my fault, a lot more than yours. I’m sorry. If Wade has a bone to pick, he can pick it with me.”

“But Helena, he’ll …”

“No buts,” Helena replied firmly, feeling right about something for the first time in a long time. Realizing that she might feel a whip across her back made no difference – she could not send her friend to face judgment for trouble that she’d gotten her into. “I’ll go with you,” she said. “You won’t have to face him alone.”

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